Rollin', rollin', rollin'

I am building positive momentum towards my goals

When I was about 8 our house had a basketball hoop nailed to the garage above our driveway. I liked shooting baskets despite barely being able to get the ball above the rim. The family truck was often parked in that part of the driveway so my dad would have to move it whenever I wanted to play. It was a stick shift and I had frequently watched him push on the clutch, put it in neutral and just let it roll slowly down the gradual slope of the cement without ever turning it on. 

One summer day I decided I wanted to shoot some hoops. My dad was at work and I figured I could just back up the truck myself. I pushed in the clutch, popped it in neutral and let it start to roll backwards. When it looked like I had enough room to play I let off the clutch, but to my chagrin the truck did not stop. It kept rolling and I had no idea why. I tried pushing on the brake but nothing happened. As my speed and momentum increased so too did my panic. I didn't know what to do. I gripped the steering wheel and closed my eyes as I rolled out of the driveway and right into the street. I felt my body jerk when I rammed into the gutter on the far side of the street. The truck was blocking one lane of traffic and after watching one or two cars swerve around me someone mercifully stopped to help. I was fortunate not to have been hit, but by now all I had on my mind was how I was going to get myself out of this mess without being caught by my parents.  With an offer from the man who stopped to help me get the truck out of the street I ran into the house and asked my mother ever so casually where the truck keys where. 

"Why?" My mother asked. 

"Oh, no reason..."

I did not make it out of that situation without detection or consequence but it has reminded me today of the power of momentum. For example, depending on conditions an average size train can take upwards of a mile to stop once the engineer fully applies the brakes. Once something like patterns of behavior are set in motion it can require enormous counter measures to slow down or change directions.  If I have negative patterns in my life that have been repeated frequently I need to do more than merely wish things were different and tap on the brakes once or twice. I must have the willingness to fully commit to the process. Once the brakes are fully applied it is then possible to do the work necessary to change direction.  I can also use this principle to recognize that I can build positive momentum as well.  That momentum can create excitement when I feel myself moving with purpose towards accomplishing my goals and realizing my full potential. Today I am building positive momentum.

I'm no Michelle Kwan

I will rise up each time I fall

When I arrived home yesterday I discovered that somebody had replaced my driveway with an ice-skating rink.  Seeing as how my figure skates are currently in the shop I decided the best course of action was to grab a shovel and start scraping.

While I was attempting to clear the driveway I got a phone call from my friend.  We joked around about how ridiculous the weather was and just as he was explaining to me the various meteorological conditions that accounted for the freezing rain I dropped the phone and my feet flew out from underneath me.I struggled for several seconds to get off my knees and retrieve the phone.  It was not my finest moment but I finally got back on my feet.  I decided to retreat to the warmth of indoors and the relative safety of carpeted floors. 

Walking the path of my personal truth is not an easy journey.  I often come across difficult circumstances, obstacles that block my way, and stretches of road that are treacherous.  Having my feet slip out from under me and taking a few falls is to be expected.  The key is not to avoid ever falling, but to rise back up when I do.

This picture of Kanji writing is a Japanese proverb that when translated means, fall down seven times get up eight.  In any difficult journey there will be times of struggle.  Daring to make changes and reaching to realize my potential can only be thwarted if I fail to get back up when I fall.  I will make mistakes. I will slip and fall. Each time I do I will get to my feet, dust myself off and trudge on. 

Out to lunch

I nourish my needs daily

 

It's 2:30 and I still have not taken time to eat lunch.  I wish I could say this is an isolated incident but it happens all to frequently.  Maybe for some people this would not be much cause for concern but I know that the way I respond to that self deprivation is not healthy for me.  I have the capacity to get cranky when I am hungry and it affects more than just my mood.  When I wait to eat I am also more likely to eat types of food and amounts that are not healthy for me.  It is one indication of a trend where I do not pay attention to what I am missing. 

 

A good gardener does not wait until a plant's leaves are wilting before watering them.  If I want to be healthy I need to be consciously aware of my needs and nourish them each day.  I will notice the need for connection before I feel isolated and cut-off.  I will nourish myself spiritually before I feel out of touch with my Higher Power.  I will rest and find ways to manage stress before I break down physically or mentally. 



 

I will start by getting some food.  Have the best day possible and take good care of yourself today! 



Pushing reset

I am beginning anew

Sometimes it feels like I need a giant reset button.  It can be frustrating to look at certain patterns I've created and wonder how I got here.  Even when I have the clarity to recognize the need for change it can be difficult to let go of what I am used to.  I have heard it said that the hell we know is sometimes preferred over the hell we don't know.

Although past behavior can be the greatest predictor of future actions, I am not a prisoner of my past. Each day I can choose to make changes to the well worn paths I've made. Even when those changes seem small they can make an enormous difference on my future.

"It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power." - Alan Cohen

The difference between knowing the path and walking the path

I live with a sense of purpose and value

I believe that life has purpose.  As I have been pondering this idea I was reminded of a scene from a movie I recently watched.  It is from the second movie in the Matrix trilogy and the scene begins with Neo meeting with the Oracle.  He has reached a critical point in his journey and he is uncertain which direction to go.  At one point in the conversation the Oracle says to Neo, "we are all here to do, what we are all here to do."  Not long afterwards Neo encounters his nemesis Mr. Smith who tells Neo, "for as we both know, without purpose we would not exist. It is purpose that created us, purpose that connects us, purpose that pulls us, that guides us, that drives us, that binds us, it is purpose that defines us."

If life does indeed have purpose then I begin to understand that I have a crucial part in the story.  Who else can do what I am here to do?  Recognizing I have a part and purpose helps me see myself and life the way I need to.

When I see and feel a fullness of purpose it gives me the willingness to dare to reach my potential and walk my path of personal truth.  In the moments where I am doing the thing I was meant to do, for the right reasons, and to my utmost capabilities I see my purpose realized.  In those moments I have felt the connection, in the zone, flow, enlightenment, tao, or however you would describe an experience that is impossible to define but is undoubtedly known.  Walking my path of personal truth with authenticity and a sense of purpose allows me to experience those moments, and confirms my incalculable worth and irreplaceable role in a story that is about all of us.

What can I do today to recognize my worth and purpose?  

BFF's

I am fostering healthy relationships

I spent some time tonight connecting with a few of my brothers.  They are not the brothers I am fortunate to be related through blood, they are ones that were forged through bonds of vulnerability, openness, trust and support.  It is a rare and valuable gift to have someone that you can count on when things are good and especially when the road gets rough and your flaws are open for all to see. 

Feeling connection and intimacy is crucial for my well being. Just being around someone does not necessarily fill that need.  I may even find ways that seem to meet my needs temporarily, but ultimately leave me unfulfilled.  Real connection can not be counted by how many friends I have on facebook or the number of times someone "likes" my status updates.

I will seek out and nurture relationships that are healthy and fulfilling.  I will build them on the foundations of vulnerability, trust, honesty, compassion, reciprocation, and love.  Who can accept all of me, even the dark parts of my story?  Who can I be most myself when I am around them? 

Owie!

I find stillness in times of pain

This past spring I spent a weekend with some good friends in a cabin near Lava Hot Springs, Idaho. My girls had a great time playing outside on the rope swing and running around with the other kids.  The cabin was set on a hill and a long set of steps built into the hill lead up to the cabin door.  The stairs were built from old railway ties and it was a tough climb for the short legs of my 4 year-old.  On one of her many trips running up the steps she slipped.  As she caught herself several slivers from the wood lodged in her hands.

She came running to me in tears and asking for help.  I could see that the slivers had not completely slid under her skin so I borrowed some tweazers and told her that we would have to pull them out.  She went from distraught to full fledged panic in an instant.  No amount of explaining the procedure or the need to take them out soothed her.  The first attempt to pull one free resulted in a scream that could have shattered glass. She started to flail about and her tiny little body seemed to suddenly possess the strength of Hercules.  She resisted all my efforts to calm her and it was impossible to get her to hold still. It eventually took 3 of us, (me holding her, someone distracting her, and another working the tweezers) and 30 minutes to remove three small slivers.

My daughter provided me with an example of what I sometimes do when I get emotionally wounded.  If I get hurt or I need help, instead of practicing serenity I get frantic.  I think it is a way for me to avoid or distract myself from the pain.  I know the only way to get better is to be still and address the pain but instead I will often freak out and get lost in the drama of the situation.  Even when I scream out for help to my Higher Power or those around me, when that help comes I'm too busy fighting against it to even recognize the assistance being offered. 

When I feel pain I will learn to be still and experience it.  I will be open to the lessons it is trying to teach me and I will accept help when it comes.  I will practice serenity and stillness even in times of pain and chaos.