I see and accept my whole self
Today I spent some time thinking about how important the process of change is. I know that it drives what I choose to teach and the way I approach a classroom. I want to make talking about that process even more central to what I am already doing and as I wrote down some of my thoughts I felt the familiar wave of shame that comes over me whenever I compare what I teach to the struggle I still experience in trying to do it myself.
Change is a process and a slow one at that. I find myself wishing that instead of the gradual growth I see in myself that it would happen all at once in spectacular fashion. It doesn't. Because I always see that long path in front of me I lose sight of what progress I have made and focus instead on my mistakes and shortcomings. It is a common problem for me to focus on just one part of myself and make it a representation of the whole - synecdoche.
I am more than my mistakes, age, weight, accomplishments, work, family role, favorite sports team, bank account, political affiliation, or the myriad of other small pieces that make me who I am. If I focus solely on one of them as a representation of who I am at any moment I have lost touch with who I am as a whole person. I get imbalanced. Today I will see my whole self and accept that I am all of it. A human-being in the messy process of change, full of paradox and possibility where no single part of me represents all of me.
