I choose to accept that who I am, and where I am, is enough
This post marks the 79th affirmation I have written for this blog. I started this project in early December of 2012 and sometime today or tomorrow it should reach 5,000 total views. I am deeply appreciative of the support and encouragement you have given me during that time.
As I mentioned in a previous post this week (Big4) I have a difficult time with emotional expression. Part of my purpose in creating affirmations for myself and sharing them with others is to improve my ability to connect and express my emotions, affirm my needs, be vulnerable, and works towards reaching my full potential. I am always hopeful that it will also resonate with someone that can relate to my experiences. Although not even a year ago I would have scoffed at the idea that I would be writing daily, I would have been doubly incredulous that it would be personal affirmations. Regardless of what others may think I can recognize this as significant progress towards what I want for myself. Being this vulnerable terrifies me but is completely necessary if I want to reach my goals. Yet after saying all of that I spent some time today fearful and doubting that what I am doing makes any difference at all.
My self-defeating tendency is to never feel like where I am at or what I am doing is enough. I am far too focused on what I have not accomplished or how far I am from my goals, rather than appreciating the progress I have made in my journey. I do not know why I do that. I do know that it sucks the joy out of every moment that I allow it to happen. It is my choice how I will frame the events of my life. There is no value or honor in being a martyr of circumstance.
Choice makes all the difference. I have experiences that can be seen as evidence that the world is a cruel place. I have emotions that indicate I should despair. The defining factor is what I choose to believe. Am I a victim of circumstance or the author of my story? How will I choose to see myself and others? Trust has been broken for us all at some point in life, do I choose to forgive and trust again? Optimist, pessimist, realist, they are all arbitrary labels for choosing to look at the world a particular way. What need is there to argue over who's viewpoint is right? We are all living the reality we have chosen.
I frequently find that my heart and my head tell me different things. My mind may know something to be true, but my emotions contradict it. I don't need to spend time trying to decide which one is "right" I need to make a choice about what I want to believe. Once I make that choice it manifests into reality. I had a student tell me that she didn't do affirmations because they felt fake. She is completely right and I have often felt the same way. The whole idea of affirmations is making a choice to take what is paradoxical inside me and decide what I will choose to believe. Although I can not choose my circumstances or consequences I can shape the experiences that shape me by choosing how I will make sense of them. Affirmations are a declaration of what I choose to believe, not what I already feel. If I already felt it, I would never need to affirm it. In the moments when I find contradiction and paradox I will consciously choose the better part.
Thank you for being on this journey with me. Walking together is so much nicer!
This is such a great idea, choose what to believe even if you don't feel it.
ReplyDeleteIt is always interesting to me when I look back and think about when my heart and mind contradict each other and seeing which one I believed. I have had times when I went with my emotions even though it was completely irrational. Sometimes it causes me heartache, and at other times learning to ignore some of my emotions is exactly what I need to do. I think that is why it is so important to have other people that can be trusted to provide feedback or listen to me while I talk through those contradictions.
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