Never Graduate

I am teachable

During the time I have spent in the classroom as both a teacher and student I have learned an import truth: it is futile trying to teach anybody something that they don't want to learn. My life is overflowing with opportunities for my growth and learning. I can only be taught once I have developed the willingness to learn. 

I have had some mornings (such as today) that I awake with a sense of dread and foreboding. I wonder when the day will end even as it is barely beginning. I am not open to learning or experiencing what life has to offer. Instead I have times where I respond by withdrawing and watching myself go through the motions, treating life as if it is something done to me instead of for me. When I make the decision to be willing to learn the lessons life has to teach me in whatever form they may come, I can approach each day with excitement and a feeling of wonder. 

What do you need to do to make yourself teachable? What lessons can be learned today from trials, successes, circumstances, relationships and experiences?

Running on Empty

My energy is focused on making

a positive difference for myself and others

After very little sleep last night, an early start with class at 7:30, and compounded by my infernal cold I was reminded how everything in my life requires energy. Sometime early this afternoon I ran out of it. I was ready to take a nap but circumstances and my youngest daughter conspired against it. 

I was fortunate to get a nice boost of energy through connecting with a couple of good friends over the phone. Having my energy start so low today, feeling myself get depleted, then getting a boost reminded me how important it is for me to focus my energy in the places that matter.

Huge amounts of energy can be spent worrying, holding a grudge, trying to maintain a certain image, or trying to control others. Those things sap my energy into a black-hole where it is lost. I can only imagine what I would be capable of if I stopped wasting it in those ways. I would have plenty of energy to listen, reach out, commit fully to my goals, do self-care, to be authentic and whatever else is needed when facing the challenges encountered as I walk my path. 

What areas in your life are wasting energy?
What do you need to charge your batteries?

First day of class

I help others find their paths 

by walking my own authentically

Summer semester starts tomorrow morning at 7:30 a.m.  I always have a rough time sleeping the night  before so I have some concern about how difficult it is going to be to get out of bed when the alarm sounds. Even after 12 years I still get some butterflies when I walk into the room on the first day. I have fewer nightmares that involve me showing up to class half way through the semester, being unprepared, or sans clothing, but the nerves are still there as an indication of how much I care about teaching. 

I do not profess to know the best way to teach but I have learned a few things about what does not produce desired effects. Demanding, manipulating, forcing, pretending as if I have their answers, or mandating behavior. I think the only way I can effectively teach is by creating a safe place where I invite others to exercise their choices, experiment with the discomfort of trying new things and making mistakes. I create that safety by showing up and letting myself be seen. I have to walk the path of my own personal truths and model the vulnerability, passion, curiosity, and honesty that I expect from them. 

Showing up with that level of authenticity is a difficult work in progress for me. It is much easier to hide behind a textbook, a degree, or someone else's words. It gets a little easier to be authentic when I remember that learning is not something that comes by memorizing facts and figures but that it is the process of being able to see more of our world. I can see that this can only happen if we are already aware of where we are starting from. We are all on different paths and in different places, but we have so much to learn from each other when we are open and authentic. 

I recognize and honor each of you today- parents, leaders, teachers, neighbors -walking your path with authenticity who are open to others and helping them to find how to walk in their own truths by courageously walking your own. 

I am an AND

I recognize the complexity of life and

embrace the choices it brings

There is a car commercial airing right now that talks about how and is much better than having to choose or, such has having to choose sweet or sour chicken. It is pretty amusing but I am not so sure I always feel comfortable with all of life's ands.  

Being sick reminds me of how nice it is to be healthy. My youngest daughter right now is reminding  me how delightful it is when she is quiet and asleep. I do not get to choose or in any of these situations, there is always an and. Life and death, sickness and health, joy and sorrow, good and bad, things are defined and understood through their opposition. My life is overflowing with and but when I treat things as or I run into problems. 

Paradox and contradiction is all around me, but I am sometimes reluctant to let myself experience life  that way. The most fascinating stories are not when the heroine is without fault, and the villain pure evil, but when the characters exhibit the true complexity of real people- beautiful and flawed all at once. That complexity however can be uncomfortable. It is much easier to paint life in broad strokes of black or white than to accurately see it in the and. 

My tendency to do this is most apparent when I am in a situation where I am experiencing something difficult with no clear answers. That internal dissonance can be uncomfortable and difficult to process. When I start to tell that story in my head or to others it takes on a revisionist history where all the uncomfortable ands turn into ors. I ignore the mix of emotions that I feel but that may contradict each other. I use the actions of others as a justification for assuming their intent. I leave no room for doubt, and ignore any information that may contradict the neat and tidy story I have created. In those types of stories there is no room for learning, growth, or change because the roles are already cast and the ending written. Good or bad, no room for and.

I am not good or bad, I am an and. If I allow myself to experience life in that way I can see that in all of my ands I have the choice of which I will feed and give energy to. That recognition and choice means I  have the capacity to change, grow, and reach my full potential. It is not easy or comfortable, but there is no other way.