I am an AND

I recognize the complexity of life and

embrace the choices it brings

There is a car commercial airing right now that talks about how and is much better than having to choose or, such has having to choose sweet or sour chicken. It is pretty amusing but I am not so sure I always feel comfortable with all of life's ands.  

Being sick reminds me of how nice it is to be healthy. My youngest daughter right now is reminding  me how delightful it is when she is quiet and asleep. I do not get to choose or in any of these situations, there is always an and. Life and death, sickness and health, joy and sorrow, good and bad, things are defined and understood through their opposition. My life is overflowing with and but when I treat things as or I run into problems. 

Paradox and contradiction is all around me, but I am sometimes reluctant to let myself experience life  that way. The most fascinating stories are not when the heroine is without fault, and the villain pure evil, but when the characters exhibit the true complexity of real people- beautiful and flawed all at once. That complexity however can be uncomfortable. It is much easier to paint life in broad strokes of black or white than to accurately see it in the and. 

My tendency to do this is most apparent when I am in a situation where I am experiencing something difficult with no clear answers. That internal dissonance can be uncomfortable and difficult to process. When I start to tell that story in my head or to others it takes on a revisionist history where all the uncomfortable ands turn into ors. I ignore the mix of emotions that I feel but that may contradict each other. I use the actions of others as a justification for assuming their intent. I leave no room for doubt, and ignore any information that may contradict the neat and tidy story I have created. In those types of stories there is no room for learning, growth, or change because the roles are already cast and the ending written. Good or bad, no room for and.

I am not good or bad, I am an and. If I allow myself to experience life in that way I can see that in all of my ands I have the choice of which I will feed and give energy to. That recognition and choice means I  have the capacity to change, grow, and reach my full potential. It is not easy or comfortable, but there is no other way.