I am choosing to embrace love
One of the troubles I face when writing an affirmation is the disconnect between what I currently feel and what I am trying to affirm. Right now I feel like I am staring into a deep chasm of darkness that I am not yet sure how to cross. It is filled with doubt, fear, and an aching sadness. I felt the same way 15 years ago when I watched the 2nd plane fly into the World Trade Center. I felt it with Columbine, Sandy Hook, Virginia Tech, Boston, Pulse... they all made me feel like I was being swallowed up by despair. None of them made any sense. I wanted all of them to just be a bad dream I could wake up from. I can't. It's the reality of the world I live in.
So what do I do when faced with hatred, violence, bigotry, greed, and all of the ugliest parts of humanity? Sometimes I just want to take vengeance. Make them hurt like I do. Sometimes I feel like just giving up - withdrawing and throwing up my hands in despair. But I have tried those things before - we all have - and it just doesn't work.
What I really want is change. I want to live in a world more loving, peaceful and benevolent. I want to learn how to forgive instead of taking vengeance. To reach out instead of withdrawing. I want to breach the dark chasm and be the change I want to see in the world. It is much more difficult to extend myself in love than it is to lash out in hate. It takes work and strength for me to forgive. When voices of arrogance and bigotry shout out and take center stage it takes courage to speak up with grace and humility.
I affirm that no matter how much of humanities darkness I face that I will choose to live my life from a place of love.
