tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-89045503622156789752024-03-05T18:12:10.166-08:00CanffirmationsDaily affirmations for change and personal growth.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05201965446580603959noreply@blogger.comBlogger162125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8904550362215678975.post-76297675882750574912017-10-09T21:14:00.002-07:002017-10-09T21:14:53.110-07:00Podcasts<br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><i>I am willingly stepping through the doorway of opportunity</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I have a colleague and friend who, more than once, has offered me opportunities professionally to try something that stretches me beyond what I feel comfortable doing. Most recently he suggested that we record a series of podcasts together about conflict. I was more than a little hesitant, but I also recognized the potential benefit to myself and others if I said yes. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It took several months to explore the idea, record and edit the podcasts but somewhere along the way I realized how grateful I was to have said yes. I did not know it before I began, but it started to feel like I was doing something I had always wanted to do. I am hopeful that it is well received and creates the opportunity to do more but regardless of how it is received I realize how crucial it is for my own growth to continue saying yes when opportunities arise. </span></div>
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<a href="http://www.usu.edu/orientation/roommates/" target="_blank">Conflict Podcasts</a></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05201965446580603959noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8904550362215678975.post-90834724492149222392016-12-06T20:15:00.001-08:002016-12-06T20:15:26.264-08:00Discussing Conflict on Access Utah<br />
<a href="http://upr.org/post/discussing-conflict-clair-canfield-tuesdays-access-utah" target="_blank">Stories and a discussion about finding the beauty in conflict</a>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05201965446580603959noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8904550362215678975.post-17831529733690252082016-12-05T08:46:00.004-08:002016-12-05T08:46:58.263-08:00TEDx talk on conflict<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe width="320" height="266" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/55n9pH_A0O8/0.jpg" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/55n9pH_A0O8?feature=player_embedded" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></div>
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05201965446580603959noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8904550362215678975.post-59625469437280958882016-11-08T23:01:00.000-08:002016-11-08T23:01:37.381-08:00Facing Darkness<br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><i>I am choosing to embrace love</i></b></span></div>
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One of the troubles I face when writing an affirmation is the disconnect between what I currently feel and what I am trying to affirm. Right now I feel like I am staring into a deep chasm of darkness that I am not yet sure how to cross. It is filled with doubt, fear, and an aching sadness. I felt the same way 15 years ago when I watched the 2nd plane fly into the World Trade Center. I felt it with Columbine, Sandy Hook, Virginia Tech, Boston, Pulse... they all made me feel like I was being swallowed up by despair. None of them made any sense. I wanted all of them to just be a bad dream I could wake up from. I can't. It's the reality of the world I live in.<br />
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So what do I do when faced with hatred, violence, bigotry, greed, and all of the ugliest parts of humanity? Sometimes I just want to take vengeance. Make them hurt like I do. Sometimes I feel like just giving up - withdrawing and throwing up my hands in despair. But I have tried those things before - we all have - and it <i> just</i> <i>doesn't </i> <i>work. </i><br />
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What I really want is change. I want to live in a world more loving, peaceful and benevolent. I want to learn how to forgive instead of taking vengeance. To reach out instead of withdrawing. I want to breach the dark chasm and be the change I want to see in the world. It is much more difficult to extend myself in love than it is to lash out in hate. It takes work and strength for me to forgive. When voices of arrogance and bigotry shout out and take center stage it takes courage to speak up with grace and humility. <br />
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I affirm that no matter how much of humanities darkness I face that I will choose to live my life from a place of love.<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05201965446580603959noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8904550362215678975.post-38044335886554232812016-01-31T22:17:00.001-08:002016-01-31T22:17:50.211-08:00Windy Night<br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><i>I am gaining strength by reaching out to others in times of need</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I live near the mouth of a canyon and it is not uncommon to have nights where the wind will blow hard for hours. Tonight is one of those nights and it has led to a couple of extra small bodies in my bed. My two youngest daughters woke up from the noise the wind caused outside and one by one they both ended up climbing in bed beside me to fall back to sleep. It is typically tough to get a good nights rest when they are crowding me off the bed but I do love that they still look to me for comfort when they need it. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">When did I stop doing that? One of my early childhood memories is a night when I woke up from a terrifyingly vivid dream fit for a horror movie. It involved our house being suspended on beams somewhere in the middle of the ocean. I was swimming with my cousin off a small dock that was connected to the side door entrance when I turned and saw that he was no longer there. I spun around in the water and saw the open jaws of a shark swimming straight towards me. I attempted to pull myself onto the dock to escape, but it was if I was moving in slow motion and I fell back into the water again and again. I woke up in a panic and went straight to the door of my parents' room in tears. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Somewhere along the way I stopped reaching out to others when I was afraid or needed help. I became much more comfortable withdrawing and trying to deal with things on my own. Earlier this evening I ran into a parenting moment that left me feeling inept and angry at myself for making what seems like a frequently repetitive mistake. My first response was not to reach outward but to try and figure it out on my own. I can see that it is my own feelings of shame or pride that get in my way of looking for help outside myself. I don't have to figure it all out on my own and if I get stuck, sometimes the only way out is to ask for help.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This is my attempt tonight to step out of isolation and recognize the need to reach out for strength beyond my own. What are the things that block you from reaching out? Where could you most use a helping hand? </span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05201965446580603959noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8904550362215678975.post-19190037558036448412016-01-17T23:43:00.000-08:002016-01-17T23:43:37.970-08:00Synecdoche<br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><i>I see and accept my whole self</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Today I spent some time thinking about how important the process of change is. I know that it drives what I choose to teach and the way I approach a classroom. I want to make talking about that process even more central to what I am already doing and as I wrote down some of my thoughts I felt the familiar wave of shame that comes over me whenever I compare what I teach to the struggle I still experience in trying to do it myself. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Change is a process and a slow one at that. I find myself wishing that instead of the gradual growth I see in myself that it would happen all at once in spectacular fashion. It doesn't. Because I always see that long path in front of me I lose sight of what progress I have made and focus instead on my mistakes and shortcomings. It is a common problem for me to focus on just one part of myself and make it a representation of the whole - synecdoche.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I am more than my mistakes, age, weight, accomplishments, work, family role, favorite sports team, bank account, political affiliation, or the myriad of other small pieces that make me who I am. If I focus solely on one of them as a representation of who I am at any moment I have lost touch with who I am as a whole person. I get imbalanced. Today I will see my whole self and accept that I am all of it. A human-being in the messy process of change, full of paradox and possibility where no single part of me represents all of me. </span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05201965446580603959noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8904550362215678975.post-64000423025756327762014-06-12T07:58:00.001-07:002014-06-12T07:58:25.379-07:00Abundance<br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><i>My life is filled with abundance</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I have lived most of my life under the fear and anxiety of scarcity. It seemed there was never enough. Not enough time to finish the endless to-do lists of life. Not enough money to meet my needs. Never enough sleep to feel rested. Life seemed to be a constant struggle to stretch my thin and meager resources, and I always came up short. It was like trying to sleep through a cold night with a tiny blanket. No matter how I positioned myself or stretched the corners, something always seems to be left out in the cold. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">As I have come to believe that the universe is a benevolent place, I can see the abundance life has to offer me. I am more capable of being <a href="http://canffirmations.blogspot.com/2012/12/the-gift-of-today.html" target="_blank">present in the moment</a> rather than having my mind spinning anxiously in the future of "what if..." Unlike many of the changes I have worked on in my journey, practicing abundance has not been as difficult to embrace. Once I began to shift my perspective by trusting that life is truly abundant and full of what I need, the universe immediately reinforced to me that truth. If I am open to see and receive it, life will provide what is needed for me to travel my path. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>"The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or hostile universe."</i> -- Albert Einstein</span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05201965446580603959noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8904550362215678975.post-82991859572311938342014-03-04T20:58:00.002-08:002014-03-04T20:58:58.022-08:00I Wanna Bubba<br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i>I am open to life's lessons and opportunities for growth</i></b></span></div>
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My youngest daughter loves to drink bubbas (bottles), particularly juice bubbas. I think if she had her druthers she would prefer to drink all of her meals through a bottle. I thought that by trying to slowly ween her off of the bubbas she would eventually make the switch to a sippy cup or regular cup. I have had no such luck with that. It was magical thinking to believe that this was a change that would come easily. When she asks for one and I suggest she only needs a bubba for bed-times she insists firmly and persistently that a bubba is exactly what she needs and <i>nothing</i> else will do. </div>
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"I wanna juice bubba dad. Daddy please give me a bubba. I wanna bubba! I WANNA BUBBAAA!!!"</div>
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This can also escalate to her delivering blows with her tiny fists or well placed kicks to my shins. </div>
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After taking her out for a one on one daddy daughter date last week I let her know that she was growing up to be a big girl and it was time to say goodbye to the bubbas. She seemed to take it relatively well at the time. There was some sadness but she seemed at least moderately excited to tell her sisters and mom that she was a big girl and giving up the bubbas. That was relatively short lived. The intensity of her bubba rants has increased exponentially and it has been difficult for her to make the transition.</div>
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When I am faced with situations that force change I sometimes find myself throwing the same type of fit as my daughter does over her bubbas. Change often requires letting go but I am often resistant, even defiant at the idea. Life presents multiple opportunities for my personal growth and they often come whether I am prepared or not. How I view those opportunities and the level of willingness I have to make changes is a choice. Focusing on what I think I may have to lose rather than what I may gain does not leave me open to change. Prefering the comfort of what is known over the uncertainty of what is possible also stunts my growth. </div>
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To reach my full potential I will open myself to change and the opportunities life presents for my personal growth and development. </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05201965446580603959noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8904550362215678975.post-9770089495173313162013-12-19T10:49:00.001-08:002013-12-19T10:49:59.340-08:00Show and Tell<br />
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<i><b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I can express my experiences and share my gifts with others</span></b></i></div>
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This morning I am acutely aware of how inadequate I feel. I had an experience a few days ago with my oldest daughter that I knew immediately I wanted to write an affirmation about. For 3 days I have avoided it. A few times I have gone as far as opening up a new post and starting to write, but I deleted each of them before getting beyond a sentence or two. I have thought about the experience every day. Instead of that reflection and thought helping me to feel more clear and concrete about what I wanted to say, it encased me in stone. </div>
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Today as I was meditating and trying to figure out what was keeping me stuck I can see other places where this theme has played out in my life. What keeps me frozen are feelings of fear, doubt and inadequacy. They cause me to isolate and avoid taking action. </div>
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Some of the fear is around how others will respond. What will they think? Will they laugh at me? What if they just think I'm stupid or silly? That type of fear causes me to withdraw and avoid vulnerability. If I can not be seen I can not be hurt. Whatever I have to express gets buried in the cave with me. </div>
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If I work past that fear I am often met with doubt. The internal critic reminds me that I am terrible at expressing things. You can't write. You don't know what you are talking about. Look at you hiding in the cave, do you really think anyone cares what you have to say? When that doubting critical voice comes from inside me no amount of positive reinforcement or compliments from the outside make a difference. If I choose to believe the voices it shrouds my thoughts in doubt and leads me back to fear. </div>
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If I battle beyond fear and doubt I still have to deal with inadequacy. It comes when I believe that I am incapable of expressing what I think and feel. Words are often not enough. When I am gifted an experience that is so exquisite and meaningful that it resonates to the very core of my being, how can I possibly think I have the capacity to express it? Instead of trying I take the gift and bury it in the ground where I may eventually forget where it is. Lights placed on a hill shine out as a beacon to others, but put under a bushel they remain hidden and eventually suffocate and burn out.</div>
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I can see that the past few days, and at many other moments of my life, I have remained stuck and hidden behind fear, doubt, and inadequacy. Today I will express myself. My story matters and sharing it with others allows them to witness my journey and find light to walk their own path. </div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05201965446580603959noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8904550362215678975.post-83825186570470736522013-12-14T08:25:00.003-08:002013-12-14T08:26:34.487-08:00Happy Blogiversary<br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><i>I am grateful for the opportunity to grow and change</i></b></span></div>
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This week last year I created Canffirmations. It was an important step in my journey of personal growth. My hope at the time was that making my affirmations public would help create accountability for myself in continuing to write them, give me an opportunity to practice vulnerability, and perhaps make a difference for others forging their own paths of change. </div>
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I have enormous gratitude for each of you who have supported me in this process. Without the encouragement and feedback I have received the blog would not be what it is today. From amazing <a href="http://canffirmations.blogspot.com/p/guest-posts.html" target="_blank">g</a><a href="http://canffirmations.blogspot.com/p/guest-posts.html" target="_blank">uest posts</a> to privately sent messages I have been blessed by your willingness to share a part of your journey and to witness me traveling mine. It is so much nicer walking together! </div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05201965446580603959noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8904550362215678975.post-58059091827375233372013-12-11T09:26:00.000-08:002013-12-11T09:26:57.093-08:00Growing Pains<br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><i>I embrace the truth and pain necessary to grow</i></b></span></div>
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I am not sure what time it was last night when I awoke from a much needed deep sleep by the screams of my youngest daughter. It took some time to understand what she was saying but her pain was coming from her legs. She did not want any medicine but kept crying and saying how her legs hurt as she would grab at her knees. I think she was feeling intense growing pains. </div>
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I stopped expanding laterally some time ago, but after last night I was able to recall some of the same pains I felt when I hit a growth spurt around the age of 15. I have learned that <a href="http://canffirmations.blogspot.com/2013/01/professor-pain.html" target="_blank">pain is a teacher</a>, and I think that it is also a needed part of the growth process. </div>
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I have heard it said that truth will set you free, and that the truth hurts. I think that when we encounter truth it is an opportunity for expansion and growth. The truth can at times be painful. I think of how when I am honest in the self reflection and examination of my life, that it reveals truths about myself that can be painful to face. There have been times I have compartmentalized my life so I did not have to look at some of those unbearable truths. As long as I keep them hidden they can not teach me and I am stunted in my growth. When I embrace truth internally and express it externally it is freeing. It does not come without pain, and that is when I have opportunity to grow. </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05201965446580603959noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8904550362215678975.post-78149064858279871142013-12-06T10:24:00.000-08:002013-12-06T10:24:35.897-08:00Herding Cats<br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><b><i>I accept the circumstances of my life </i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><b><i>and focus on my process of growth </i></b></span></div>
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I wrote this week about going to dinner with my girls to memorialize the passing of <a href="http://canffirmations.blogspot.com/2013/12/desirae-blue.html" target="_blank">Dessi-B</a>. I did not write about how my youngest asked for chocolate milk and when her sisters got their lemonade she wanted lemonade, that one of them ordered spaghetti and more seemed to end up on me than in her mouth, that all 3 of them would talk at me simultaneously asking for something they needed immediately or the world could end, that the youngest screamed "I need to go potty" and then I spent the next 15 minutes running her back and forth to the bathroom multiple times because she claimed she needed to go potty again, or that they knocked roughly 49 forks and spoons onto the floor and needed to be told to stay in their seat approximately 872 times. </div>
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Anyone with kids knows this can also play out in hauntingly similar ways when it is time to go to bed, to eat vegetables, or to clean up. I can feel the tension and frustration that I often get caught up in just thinking about it. I have often compared it to trying to herd cats. </div>
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Chaos comes in a variety of forms. The Holidays can feel frantic. I have a pile of grading to do before I can submit grades. Perhaps you can relate to feeling like life is a never-ending ebb and flow of uncontrollable circumstances. Where I find myself getting into difficulty is in my faulty thinking that somehow I can control those chaotic circumstances. </div>
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I have a variety of faulty lines of thinking that come out when I futilely attempt to control the chaotic circumstances of life. Sometimes I try to be perfect and think that if I do everything just right nothing bad will happen. I might look for blame in myself or others. I imagine that if I can find who is at fault and why then I can pin the chaos on them. I sometimes withdraw and self-protect so that I will not have to feel vulnerable in anyway or let others near me. If I choose not to trust anyone they will not be able to hurt me. I close myself off from the world. None of those tactics or the others I have tried seem to work. I am beginning to understand I have very little control over the circumstances of my life. What I can choose is my reaction to those circumstances.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
I am most at peace when I accept or let go of the things that I am unable to control. I most definitely know I can not control my girls :) When I let go of the need to control I can start focusing on changing the things I can control - myself. Today I will practice keeping my focus on my own process of growth and let go of my attempts to control circumstances. </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05201965446580603959noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8904550362215678975.post-23151481344410426272013-12-04T13:34:00.000-08:002013-12-04T13:34:10.749-08:00Desirae Blue<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><b><i>I can act as a witness and support for others in their time of need</i></b></span></div>
<br />
<br />
Last night I said goodbye to "Dessi B." <br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjFV7GGp0QLyAv1ZQGvsQFJj_eUmkj3nskYNAMDFINFemChXVkO1uQwKhIikIShAB4XCKAyq2GczP8VZ4DJoQjq4-1UGJDcI33PEMgyXUJ6of_9Xr7Lq-9k6AqHhx_mO48S2yHusypSkc/s1600/framecrack.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjFV7GGp0QLyAv1ZQGvsQFJj_eUmkj3nskYNAMDFINFemChXVkO1uQwKhIikIShAB4XCKAyq2GczP8VZ4DJoQjq4-1UGJDcI33PEMgyXUJ6of_9Xr7Lq-9k6AqHhx_mO48S2yHusypSkc/s320/framecrack.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Cracked frame</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhygqANVMe6zqnq2BvUy6Xwz4v4TBMI0G6eXyPVgE2u4dkUTjNMlBVeQFDSZARjuzlr_MAOD2ZzuirKXrC6ZWBe3yMFk9jgtiOjeFAm13l1ccxnQW96gma7p8V8E-phrJoYrE681kjBwn4/s1600/clutchlever.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhygqANVMe6zqnq2BvUy6Xwz4v4TBMI0G6eXyPVgE2u4dkUTjNMlBVeQFDSZARjuzlr_MAOD2ZzuirKXrC6ZWBe3yMFk9jgtiOjeFAm13l1ccxnQW96gma7p8V8E-phrJoYrE681kjBwn4/s320/clutchlever.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Candycane clutch lever!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjH5dh4WKfuKUaE4iGcZ0eUjcKBY1S_xZARkZhbf5kT76VXevfbjEdwHYObwl27MB5fWoRfnnzTIkuohvLgMQSUF61UL9EEilLqR8Q4ZYV8pU16_9hBsWqhGx_0-gRHqWB3slBW0HugKM8/s1600/footpeg.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjH5dh4WKfuKUaE4iGcZ0eUjcKBY1S_xZARkZhbf5kT76VXevfbjEdwHYObwl27MB5fWoRfnnzTIkuohvLgMQSUF61UL9EEilLqR8Q4ZYV8pU16_9hBsWqhGx_0-gRHqWB3slBW0HugKM8/s320/footpeg.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">RIP</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
After the <a href="http://canffirmations.blogspot.com/2013/11/im-okay.html" target="_blank">accident</a> my motorcycle was declared a total loss and non reparable. I went to the tow yard to turn over the key and retrieve a few pieces of personal property I still had on the bike before it goes to salvage. I had my 3 girls with me and as I walked away my 2nd daughter started to cry.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
When I had first told her about the accident she wept uncontrollably for an hour. She said she did not want the bike to go to the trash yard and that she never got to say goodbye. She pleaded, "can't you just keep it here at the house and use it for other stuff so I can still see it." In the past she had occasionally referred to it as her bike, and several times we spent time together cleaning it. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Last night when she began crying again my first reaction was to console her and tell her it was okay, that I would have another bike, or that she should not be sad because the important thing was that I was not hurt in the accident. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I am glad that I did not. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
In the few weeks since I first wrote about <a href="http://canffirmations.blogspot.com/2013/11/transforming-grief.html" target="_blank">grief</a> I have been fortunate to learn a few things. Everyone grieves differently, rushing through the stages of grief does not work, and grieving is an important process to experience. Instead of telling her everything was okay I told her it was okay to feel sad. I asked her about the sadness and we decided to all go out to eat as a memorial. We drew pictures of the bike with crayons and talked about our favorite memories. I gave her the blue reflector license plate bolt as a memento and we all helped pick a spot on the Christmas tree to hang the guardian bell I had been given that had been on the bike. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
It was hard for me to see her sadness but I am privileged that she shared it with me. I was grateful to have an opportunity to witness and support her grieving process and to sit with her in the pain she was feeling. I know the burden is lighter for me when supported by the hands of others and it is a gift when I have the opportunity to do the same for others. It is so much nicer walking this path together!</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05201965446580603959noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8904550362215678975.post-85779315302424696572013-11-30T11:07:00.001-08:002013-11-30T11:08:20.025-08:00"Daddy my head hurts"<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><b><i>I attend to the needs of my whole self</i></b></span></div>
<br />
My eldest daughter has recently been suffering from headaches. She has often come home from school complaining that her head hurts. I thought maybe she was not eating enough or drinking enough water. The complaints continued no matter what advice was given for her to try. A few days ago she spent most of the night awake with severe pain and every time I gave her medicine she would throw it back up.<br />
<br />
It is a very frustrating and painful feeling for me when my children experience something hard that I feel helpless to fix. I had heard that using essential oils had helped some people with recurring headaches so the next morning I went to a neighbors house to borrow some. We talked for a bit and at one point she asked me if my daughter was a worrier. Suddenly everything started to click together.<br />
<br />
I was looking at the situation as a very specific physical problem and had narrowed my frame of vision to only see certain things. I began to realize I was only tending to the symptoms of what was likely a much deeper need. I borrowed a blend of oil called "letting go" and went back home. She was propped up in bed on a mound of pillows looking perfectly miserable. She said the four words I had heard frequently, "Daddy my head hurts."<br />
<br />
I sat down and started rubbing her feet using a little of the oil I had borrowed. I then started to talk to her about how she was feeling. I told her that I have had experiences where my emotions made it so my body felt bad because I was holding them in. I asked her about how she felt inside and what was going on in school lately. She started to talk and did not stop for 20 minutes. After about 5 minutes I could see something shift and when she had finished I asked her how her head was. She said she felt better and was ready to go do something fun. I let her know how proud I was of her for sharing how she was feeling inside and that I was happy that she could express it to me. We talked about some of the things I practice doing to express my emotions. She especially liked the idea of writing about them. Together we went to the store and bought her a journal and some stickers to decorate it. We talked about how she could use it to express what she was feeling and she asked me if drawing pictures was something she could do to express them. "What a fantastic idea!" I said. It was hard seeing her draw herself with tears of sadness but I was also overwhelmed with gratitude that I was able to be a witness and support for what she is going through.<br />
<br />
My mind, body, and emotions are not separate systems. When I ignore any of them it is to my own detriment. If I ignore my emotions long enough by holding them in, denying, or numbing them; eventually they will find a way to force me to face them. I think of the many times I have gotten sick by not dealing with the stress in my life or the variety of nagging aches and pains that seemingly have no explanation. Today I will recognize my whole self and care for the variety of needs I have mentally, spiritually, emotionally, physically, and in each of the other areas of my life. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05201965446580603959noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8904550362215678975.post-40497912879725757912013-11-21T10:27:00.001-08:002013-11-21T10:29:24.770-08:00Mission Statement<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i>I am living my vision</i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I had the fortunate opportunity a few weeks ago to present at a leadership conference. I was excited about the theme of the conference which focused on the potential everyone has to be a leader. The only thing all leaders have in common is that they have followers. Leadership is not something that is possessed or appointed, it is what naturally happens when what you do and who you are is in alignment and inspires others. Although I had planned something else to present, I found the discussion moving towards what unique strengths each person has and asking questions about how they could utilize those strengths in pursuing their passions and helping others to find and develop their own. I began facilitating the process of having each of them develop a mission statement.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">One of the first affirmations I ever wrote was about the importance of <a href="http://canffirmations.blogspot.com/2013/01/keep-your-eye-on-fencepost.html" target="_blank">envisioning my future</a>. Knowing what I want for myself gives purpose and meaning to what I do each day. It is impossible for me to achieve growth and reach my full potential if I do not know what that looks like. It has taken time for me to articulate that vision but I am beginning to see it take shape. I am certain that it will go through multiple iterations as I continue to grow and change, but I would like to share with you what it is today. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><b><i>My mission is to make this world a better, safer, and more loving place.</i></b></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><b><i>I will accomplish this by walking my own path of growth </i></b></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><b><i>with courage and conviction.</i></b></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><b><i></i></b></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><b><i>I will create safe places for myself and others to learn and practice </i></b></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><b><i>vulnerability, authenticity, and exploration. </i></b></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><b><i>With patience and compassion I will meet others where they are </i></b></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><b><i>and invite them to courageously discover their own path.</i></b></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><b><i>I believe in possibilities, hope, and that the only failure is in giving up.</i></b></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I acknowledge with gratitude all who have helped me along this journey and continue to lead and inspire me to pursue my passions and purpose in life. </span></span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I invite you to envision what your mission statement is and to share them here if you choose.</span></span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><b><i> </i></b></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05201965446580603959noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8904550362215678975.post-12020635286250394452013-11-18T21:19:00.000-08:002013-11-18T21:52:04.631-08:00Creating (Guest Post - Crystalee)<style>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">I am delighted to introduce Crystalee. She was one of the amazing graduate students I was honored to interact with for a <span style="color: black;"><a href="http://canffirmations.blogspot.com/2013/11/transforming-grief.html" target="_blank">conflict class</a></span> this semester. She always brought a spirit of curiosity and positive energy to class. You can find more of Crystalee at <span style="color: black;"><a href="http://delightedtowrite.com/" target="_blank">http://delightedtowrite.com/</a></span></span><i><b><span style="line-height: 115%;"> </span></b></i></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><b><span style="line-height: 115%;">~*~*~</span></b></i></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><b><span style="line-height: 115%;"> <span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I create my
life experiences</span></span></b></i></span></span></div>
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</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">Isn’t the
power of words phenomenal? While I’ve been interested in the power of positive
affirmations ever since I came across a <span style="color: black;"><a href="http://www.louisehay.com/" target="_blank">Louise Hay book</a></span></span><span style="line-height: 115%;">
several years ago, 2013 has won me over completely. I’ve learned this year,
through personal and professional experience, that the words I tell myself
become my thoughts, and gradually form my beliefs. My beliefs dictate my
experiences. Therefore, if I want to change my experiences, I must start with
what I tell myself.</span></span></span></div>
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</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">First, allow
me a professional example. Earlier this year, I found myself feeling a “stuck”
in my position at work. I’d worked
really hard and made some corporate-wide contributions in a global company. I
hoped to have an opportunity to grow, stretch beyond my duties and attain a
higher title. On my daily morning walks to work, I’d say aloud, “I am valued in
my workplace, I am well-paid, and I am a manager.” At the time my title was
still “Specialist,” but I wanted to really believe I could be recognized as a higher
title. I would get discouraged at times, but kept saying my affirmations. Over
and over, I pictured myself with a new job title and a raise. Within months, a
new opportunity came along. I applied. I was selected, and promoted to a
manager position. And you know what? The first time I was eligible to attend
the corporate-wide manager meeting for 250+ people, I was asked to present my
latest project to all the other managers!</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">During this
same timeframe, I’d been quite heartbroken on the home front. I learned the
precious fragility of life, having experienced an early miscarriage. I ached. I
grieved. I wondered if it was my fault. Without being able to change the past,
I decided to prepare for the next time I’d have the opportunity. I started
telling myself, “My body, mind, and spirit are ready to welcome a child.”
Whenever I felt very sad, I’d say my affirmation aloud, hoping it was really
true. </span></span></span><br />
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</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">That was a couple seasons ago. As I write these words, I'm now 28 weeks pregnant. Every day now I say, "My baby grows healthy, happy, and strong to full term." And she does! What delight my husband and I had when we went to the doctor a few weeks ago and looking at the ultrasound he said, "She's looking healthy and happy," confirming my affirmation. I've completed a Hypnobirthing class, learning to release fear. Every night as I listen to a series of birthing affirmations, my confidence in myself, my body, and my baby grows. It's empowering to replace former fears of birth with joy and excitement - all by the power of affirmations. She will be welcomed into this world peacefully. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">My daughter will have a whole world of potential open to her. You and I do too, and the affirmations can help us be the people we hope to be. Here's a quote on being the creator in your own life:</span></span></span><br />
<br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><i>"You have two creators - God and yourself. God furnished you the raw material of your life and the laws which can help you make your life whatever you want it to be. You are your second creator! It is what you make of yourself that really counts. You are great because of what you may become. And, you have wonderful powers you don't yet understand. You were placed on this earth, not as finality but as possibility. Your greatest enemy is yourself. <b>In your weakness you are a creature of circumstances; in your strength you are the creator of circumstances. </b>Whether you are a victim or a victor depends largely on you and how you exercise the power of self-control." </i></span></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><i> </i>- David Star Jordon (a former president of Stanford University), "The Kingship of Self Control"</span></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">Indeed, I'm the victor in my own life. I create my life experiences. And as my baby grows, I will teach her to do the same. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><i> </i> </span></span></span></div>
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</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">Crystalee Beck celebrates words at </span><span style="color: black;"><a href="http://delightedtowrite.com/"><span style="line-height: 115%;">delightedtowrite.com.</span></a></span></span></span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> </span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05201965446580603959noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8904550362215678975.post-63330992448786428632013-11-15T20:01:00.001-08:002013-11-15T20:01:59.394-08:00I'm okay<br />
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><i>I am in process</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I experienced my first official accident yesterday. I have had a few run-ins with animals in the past including a couple of dear running into my car, hitting a </span>raccoon, and a very unfortunate incident with a chicken, but I had never collided with another vehicle. Yesterday I was riding up towards the mountain from campus when a car in the oncoming lane turned left in front of me. I always drive my motorcycle under the assumption that I am invisible and everyone is trying to hit me, but the timing of the turn left me no alternatives for escape. I struck the front fender of the car and flew off my bike. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
When I sat up from where I landed in the road I did a quick body scan to see if I was alright. I probably flew 10 or 20 feet and although I could tell I was experiencing an adrenaline dump unlike anything I had experienced before nothing seemed to be broken or bleeding. I think my leg caught the car or my handlebars as I flew off and there is a bruise on my thigh but I think I did a barrel roll across my shoulder as I landed and I am otherwise unscathed. I was wearing a helmet and full leathers but I could not see any scratches or damage to those either. After I got my bike off the road and sat down I then assessed the damage to the bike. I think that given the situation the damage to the bike was as minimal as possible, but it is highly likely that the bike is totaled. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Unquestionably my good health is the most important outcome to what occurred. (I think I either have the reflexes and agility of a jungle cat as I flew through the air or perhaps a few attending angels helped me down gently) Along with that gratitude for being okay, I also have to recognize that I am already experiencing the mourning process with what happened. I have learned a variety of lessons through that bike over the past year, many of which I have written about here: <a href="http://canffirmations.blogspot.com/2013/11/moving-forward.html" target="_blank">moving forward</a>, <a href="http://canffirmations.blogspot.com/2013/11/12-miles-of-crisis.html" target="_blank">crisis</a>, <a href="http://canffirmations.blogspot.com/2013/05/dont-stop-journey.html" target="_blank">don't stop the journey</a>, <a href="http://canffirmations.blogspot.com/2013/05/breakdown.html" target="_blank">breakdown </a>, <a href="http://canffirmations.blogspot.com/2013/04/breaktime.html" target="_blank">breaktime</a>, <a href="http://canffirmations.blogspot.com/2013/03/i-like-to-go-fast.html" target="_blank">I like to go fast</a>, <a href="http://canffirmations.blogspot.com/2013/02/fog-lights.html" target="_blank">fog lights</a>, and <a href="http://canffirmations.blogspot.com/2013/02/heads-up.html" target="_blank">heads up</a>. Those lessons will stay with me, but I would be untrue to myself if I did not recognize how sad the potential loss makes me. </div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
Through all of the paperwork, police reports, tow trucks and discussions of what happened last night I have felt relatively calm and grateful to be physically whole. Emotionally it has been messy. I have felt some fear, frustration, gratitude, compassion, and I can also pick out some specific pieces of the grieving process such as moments of depression, anger, denial and bargaining. I can sense at times that I am at trying to rush myself towards acceptance. I want to see the lessons and opportunities that this experience is going to provide without having to go through all of the pain associated with it. It is not something I can rush, dodge, or ignore. </div>
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I am in process. In my grieving, my growth, my pain, my successes and struggles. Surrendering to that process and accepting it is where I can find serenity and peace among all of the messiness. I am okay just where I am. </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05201965446580603959noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8904550362215678975.post-2483399516612002602013-11-14T10:19:00.001-08:002016-01-17T23:58:39.466-08:00Moving forward<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b><i>I am growing and moving forward</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The place where I work is nestled in the beautiful foothills just below a breathtaking stretch of the Rocky Mountains. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">
On the road I ride to school there is a stoplight on a steep incline. When I first started riding it made me a little nervous when I would run into a red light. To avoid rolling backward I would have to keep the brake on firmly. When the light turned green I would have to accelerate while simultaneously letting off the brake and slowly releasing the clutch. If I did not give it enough gas I would run the risk of stalling, too much and it posed a different set of problems. </span></span><br />
<br />
<a href="http://sites.ieee.org/sustech/files/2014/10/Weber-State-University-i-4NNj63n-L.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" class="irc_mi" height="218" src="http://sites.ieee.org/sustech/files/2014/10/Weber-State-University-i-4NNj63n-L.jpg" style="cursor: move; margin-top: 0px;" width="400" /></a><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I have found that the process of change feels very much like trying to ride up that hill. If I stop, the natural tendency is to roll backwards and starting back up again can be a little tricky. I know some of the old patterns that are behind me in the rear-view mirror and I am not interested in rolling back to visit those places again. If I am not moving forward I am almost assuredly stuck or at risk of sliding backward. I choose to continue moving forward in my process of growth and change. I fuel that movement through self care, nurturing my authentic self, daily practices that foster my change processes and by looking towards where I want to be. </span><br /><b><i> </i></b></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05201965446580603959noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8904550362215678975.post-43928685850402807182013-11-12T09:33:00.000-08:002016-01-17T23:52:13.477-08:00Staying awake<br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b><i>I find meaning and gain wisdom </i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b><i>from the difficult experiences of my life</i></b></span></div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I have heard a catchy song on the radio lately by Avicii called <i>Wake me Up. </i>The chorus is what sticks out to me the most, "wake me up when it's all over, when I'm wiser and I'm older. All this time I was finding myself and I didn't know I was lost."</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">How nice would that be? More than once during an uncomfortable experience in my life I have wished I could just check out emotionally. My instinct has been to dodge pain and impatiently wait for it to pass. I think, "just let me go to sleep and when I wake up hopefully this will all be behind me." </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">When I was in middle school I remember learning about <a href="http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/osmosis" target="_blank">osmosis</a>. I would joke that I was going to sleep with my books under my pillow so I could just learn by osmosis as I slept. It is no more likely that I can avoid the difficult experiences of my life and expect to be wiser just because time has passed, than it is to expect myself to understand calculus if I put my head down on the textbook and fall asleep. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Whatever wisdom I have is earned. The lessons that can come from difficult experiences are often hard to see in the moment, but if I am unwilling to let myself fully experience what is happening I am likely to miss them completely. Wisdom comes from the hard work of facing my challenges and learning from them. <a href="http://canffirmations.blogspot.com/2013/01/professor-pain.html" target="_blank">Pain and discomfort</a> can teach me, but if I try to avoid them the lesson is lost. </span>Today I will be fully present in all of my experiences so that I may glean meaning and wisdom from them. </div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05201965446580603959noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8904550362215678975.post-25800182628436012212013-11-11T10:14:00.000-08:002013-11-11T21:26:06.250-08:00Taking down walls<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><i><b>I choose vulnerability and connection</b></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The great paradox of all relationships is between the need for connection and the desire for self-protection. </span></span>There have been moments when I have tried to have them both, but I have come to accept it is impossible. </div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
The walls I put up to keep myself safe from the harm others can cause, are the same that also keep me trapped and isolated. That isolation turns to depression and loneliness. I might try to convince myself that if I trust no one I will never be hurt. No matter how much I may try to deny it, I am hard-wired for connection. Relationships bring purpose and meaning to my life and are important in my process of growth. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
It takes vulnerability to connect. To let myself be known completely (even the shadowy and broken parts.) It causes me anxiety and fear. I fear that I will be rejected, that I am not good enough, and that I may not be worthy of being loved. Can I trust someone else to meet my needs? </div>
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The paradox is inescapable, but I get to choose. I choose to face the fears with courage. I choose vulnerability in the hope of creating the healthy connections I need in my life.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjv-AK5hGrnZAEIAtY4hN6isPQcO8v6WdjyICMyaWKTIuhET89WxqZ4UOLOY9vEGc9q6KkeuVnZjt3YsNoCLsaRDvtL6PY0q1Z3OnU6I5ZRYMksF3OZBlPY2KK90hvY_7SefzT87E23wLJo/s1600/2010-06+Staff+Retreat19.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjv-AK5hGrnZAEIAtY4hN6isPQcO8v6WdjyICMyaWKTIuhET89WxqZ4UOLOY9vEGc9q6KkeuVnZjt3YsNoCLsaRDvtL6PY0q1Z3OnU6I5ZRYMksF3OZBlPY2KK90hvY_7SefzT87E23wLJo/s320/2010-06+Staff+Retreat19.jpg" width="267" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjv-AK5hGrnZAEIAtY4hN6isPQcO8v6WdjyICMyaWKTIuhET89WxqZ4UOLOY9vEGc9q6KkeuVnZjt3YsNoCLsaRDvtL6PY0q1Z3OnU6I5ZRYMksF3OZBlPY2KK90hvY_7SefzT87E23wLJo/s1600/2010-06+Staff+Retreat19.jpg</td></tr>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05201965446580603959noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8904550362215678975.post-12338823954463554392013-11-10T08:08:00.000-08:002013-11-11T21:26:42.713-08:001.2 miles of crisis<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i>I am practicing daily crisis prevention</i></b></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqrDJCadcgP4Bphn4xCkMpi-hmwW8FPqscT2hK9ZvY5dwaWlXeljBMqvrNMPLZpMEFn6LlP8N1MNnv9fJDlfR_sZKoQ_MQ4zFXF2RSZaGlzyhJgRxZYc3XdB1vLqJqReFdiTfCVe5oZ6k/s1600/IMG_1113.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqrDJCadcgP4Bphn4xCkMpi-hmwW8FPqscT2hK9ZvY5dwaWlXeljBMqvrNMPLZpMEFn6LlP8N1MNnv9fJDlfR_sZKoQ_MQ4zFXF2RSZaGlzyhJgRxZYc3XdB1vLqJqReFdiTfCVe5oZ6k/s320/IMG_1113.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Grand Tetons - July, 2013 canffirmations.blogspot.com</td></tr>
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I ride a Yamaha Warrior 1700 and it is 600lbs of pure bliss.<br />
<br />
Even though I have a tendency to <a href="http://canffirmations.blogspot.com/2013/03/i-like-to-go-fast.html" target="_blank">ride it like I stole it</a>, the gas mileage is efficient and still well beyond that of my 4 wheeled vehicle. I use it as my primary mode of transportation and although the mpg is excellent the tank only holds 3.5 gallons. I do not have a gas gauge so when the low fuel indicator light turns on I know it only has roughly 1/2 gallon left. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
I was heading to a meeting and was running a bit behind when I noticed my fuel light turn on. I did not have time to stop so I rode on. After the meeting was done I got back on the bike and I did not feel like stopping immediately for gas so I got on the freeway and headed for home. I was in a hurry so I skipped the first two exits with gas stations because I knew the next one was just a few miles away and had a station right off the freeway.<br />
<br />
I didn't make it...</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Just after I passed the sign indicating it was 3/4 of a mile to the exit my engine cut out. It wasn't a sputter or a gentle reminder I was <i>about </i>to run out, it was empty. The bike quickly coasted to a stop as I pulled into the emergency lane. I had no more rationalizations or denial left that had been spinning in my head that I wouldn't run out of gas. I considered briefly calling someone but I knew it would take at least 30mins for them to reach me and frankly I was too embarrassed to do it. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
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I put the bike in neutral and started to push. I figured it couldn't be more than a half mile to the gas station and I could use the exercise? Those 600 lbs. of bliss were much more difficult to move uphill, manually, with a helmet, and in full riding leathers. I eventually made it with the assistance of a couple of cars who put hazards on and bracketed me as I rolled it through a few intersections after the freeway off-ramp. I finally arrived at the gas station exhausted, covered in sweat, out of breath, bruised and a little bloody from scraping my legs against the foot-pegs. When I went back the next day and measured the distance it was 1.2 miles. </div>
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I have a really good idea now of how far I can go once the fuel light goes on but it took a crisis to learn where that limit was. I recognize that some of the crises I experience in my life are preventable. When I ignore my own basic self care, procrastinate little things that start to pile up, or neglect emotional expression, I suddenly find myself in a variety of mini-crises that steal my time, energy, and focus.<br />
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Instead of letting things go until I am forced to deal with the situation, I will practice daily the things needed to prevent letting my life slip into crisis mode.</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05201965446580603959noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8904550362215678975.post-80794714288550654702013-11-09T10:02:00.002-08:002013-11-09T10:02:18.071-08:00Transforming grief<br />
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<i><b><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I give myself permission to grieve</span></b></i></div>
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I recently spent 8 weeks teaching a class about conflict resolution and mediation. It was without question one of the most rewarding classroom experiences I have ever had. I invested myself heavily in the class. It was the first time the course was being taught so I was fortunate to be able to create it from the ground up. It allowed me to take risks and push myself to imagine what could be possible in a classroom. I am passionate about the topic and the power it has to transform individuals and relationships. Each week I practiced the vulnerability and depth of exploration I asked of the students. I poured myself into the teaching and I watched with awe as they willingly stretched themselves. They took ownership of their own learning processes and wrestled with difficult and uncomfortable ideas. The growth I witnessed was inspiring. Some of what I challenged myself to do each week was terrifying, but it was authentic and true to who I am. </div>
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As the class drew to a close I started to notice myself feeling sullen and withdrawn. I had a difficult time evaluating their final papers. I did not seem to be able to muster the energy I needed to give them the type of engaged feedback I had committed to. I began to realize I was grieving. </div>
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Everyone experiences loss. For me those losses trigger fear. I was afraid that I would never have an opportunity to teach like that again, afraid of losing the connection we had all created, and afraid that I would not be able to maintain the changes I had personally made during that time. </div>
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It is normal to grieve, and necessary. Allowing myself to experience it allows me to continue moving forward rather than being trapped in the past. The difficulty I was having is that I do not recall a time in my life that I have allowed myself to do that. Grieving can bring feelings of sadness, anger, confusion, helplessness. In the past I have denied my grief, sheltered myself from those hard feelings and compartmentalized the seemingly overwhelming emotions that would come. Giving myself permission to grieve honors the experience and has the power to eventually bring me to a place of acceptance. </div>
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As I am practicing letting myself experience the grief process I have noticed a shift in both my perspective and emotions. I am grateful and gratified for what I was privileged to witness and experience. </div>
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What does embracing the grief process transform for you? </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05201965446580603959noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8904550362215678975.post-4682679232085437452013-09-11T19:28:00.001-07:002013-09-11T19:28:41.926-07:009/11<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b><i> My emotions are valuable and I attend to them</i></b></span></div>
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Twelve years ago I had the opportunity to teach my first class. 13 students and I met 3 times per week in a small office building located off campus. The class started at 7am and I relied on an office administrative assistant to unlock the building each morning. Just a few weeks into class I arrived one morning to find the doors still locked. My anxiety began to rise as students showed up and I still had no classroom for us to meet in. 7 o'clock came and went with no sign of help. I had what I deemed important information to share and I couldn't bring myself to even consider cancelling class. The temperature was crisp and without anywhere to sit the parking lot seemed to be no place to hold a college class. </div>
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One of the students mentioned they worked at a local grocery store so I made the executive decision to move class to the deli/bakery section of the grocery store roughly a mile up the street. Everyone piled into their vehicles and we reconvened in a small cluster of red and white plastic tables with swivel chairs attached to them. I was more than a little bit distracted by the smell of fresh donuts, the droning of Musak on the speakers overhead and the quizzical looks of grocery shopper passers-by. I dutifully trudged forward doing my best to facilitate an interesting discussion among the midst of constant distractions. I worried that what little credibility I might have with them was quickly diminishing. In addition to all of the constant distractions for the students I had the additional issue of having a wall mounted television on in the corner of the room facing me. A few minutes later I looked up to see a plane smash into the second tower of the World Trade Center. </div>
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That moment is frozen in my mind along with a set of powerful emotions, some are personal to me and others are even shared collectively among many other people who experienced the tragedies and trauma of that day. Although I clearly remember that moment the rest of the details of that day are blurry. As I tried to prepare for when class would meet again I knew that this was an experience that could not be ignored. Instead of what I had originally planned to cover on the syllabus we began class by talking about emotion and telling our stories of the impact of what was happening for each of them. It was a milestone in my development as a teacher but until today I had not thought about what that might also have taught me about the importance of attending to emotions. </div>
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Emotions are a defining characteristic of the human experience. Even when they do not reach the level produced by trauma they are crucial to be recognized and addressed. Ignoring what I feel, or what I think and do based on those feelings is not an option for me if I want to live a healthy life. At times I have tried to bury many of the strong emotions I have felt and they inevitably rise up from the ground like the walking dead, or come out sideways in unexpected and uncontrollable ways. No matter what I have wrongly learned about what emotions I should or should not express, which are acceptable to feel, or what I should think about myself based on what emotions I experience, I can no more ignore them than I can pretend that I didn't see that plane full of people explode as it flew into that building 12 years ago. I am learning how I feel emotion, how to express it in healthy ways, and how it can help me grow if I listen carefully to what it has to teach me. As I learn and practice those skills I will remember that my emotions are valuable and that I am committed to attending to them. </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05201965446580603959noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8904550362215678975.post-61082248594131950702013-07-23T11:30:00.000-07:002013-07-23T11:30:39.718-07:00FIREworks<div style="text-align: justify;">
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><b><i>I respect my boundaries and practice daily gratitude</i></b></span> </div>
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For some obvious reasons when I think about July, fireworks is one of the first things that come to mind. I would guess that it is something that many people enjoy watching and being a part of. However, it would be safe to say that I have an above average affinity towards thunderous sounds and showers of colored sparks in all their variant forms.</div>
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When I was 12 years old I had a paper-route. Coming from a small community it was one of the very few opportunities a boy my age could use to make money. It was certainly not easy money however as the town I lived in had a population of about 800 people and my house was nearly 2 miles outside of the city limits. I would estimate that the ride was in the vicinity of 8 miles each day to finish my route. It was a lot of work for very little pay so what I spent my money on was always a good indicator of my priorities at the time. For some time prior to and during the fireworks season I saved and spent every last cent on fireworks.</div>
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Several days before the 4th of July I began to choreograph my fireworks extravaganza show. I wanted to start with some of the smaller fireworks that spin (ground flowers are a favorite). I spent the better part of one afternoon constructing a tall launching pad constructed from logs to showcase a spinning pinwheel firework I had purchased. I had smoke bombs, sparklers, some colored fountains interspersed with whistling fountains, and all of it was to lead up to a grand finale of multiple large fountains being lit off simultaneously as the 1812 overture played in the background. In my head it was going to be spectacular! </div>
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On the morning of the 4th I decided I needed just a few more things to complete the perfect show so I took my bicycle and road the 2 miles into town. The only business was a gas station/convenience store where you could buy penny candy, soda, or a year-old box of pop-tarts.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0nzPQDUIXuDv3XNc2_lMCRS4xJw6LuMv8QyXhyphenhyphen1wfBi7utHdAlPcfVdQpm_PI6RiYiVhITTjk7sXlLXq1ThmtTLDOHIFRyXGbVWfmk4b4q59KprhcziVwp2PwJEectwXi93BVae6Nlbg/s1600/2012-08-12+22.06.26.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0nzPQDUIXuDv3XNc2_lMCRS4xJw6LuMv8QyXhyphenhyphen1wfBi7utHdAlPcfVdQpm_PI6RiYiVhITTjk7sXlLXq1ThmtTLDOHIFRyXGbVWfmk4b4q59KprhcziVwp2PwJEectwXi93BVae6Nlbg/s320/2012-08-12+22.06.26.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
I carefully picked out a small assortment of fireworks and spent what little money I had left. I walked outside and rounded the corner of the building where I had parked my bike and for a moment I just breathed in the excitement and grandeur of the day. I was not allowed to lite off any fireworks prior to the Holiday, I knew what that meant but the thought occurred to me that technically it was the 4th of July and I didn't have to necessarily wait until that evening to start enjoying one of my favorite things. I decided that it would be a great idea to enjoy just one or two ground flowers. Even during the daylight I reasoned that the spinning and bright colors would certainly be at least in part as enjoyable as seeing them in the dark. Getting 60% of the maximum enjoyment in that moment still sounded pretty good to me.<br />
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I took a spinning ground flower out of my plastic bag full of joy, held it in one hand, lit it with the other, and tossed it onto the cement. It bounced a few times and then began to roll in a direction and at a speed that I had not intended. As it passed by the gas pumps it continued to bounce and then landed in the crack between the asphalt and the lid that is used to cover the underground gasoline tanks. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtwRY2IC4mxQXtVF8jD2CQ6TSpZ_BmmIn0LPydpN_IvtHCTXSMb1z3UdTYzyE5_qvOdk9_-hEGfNgoh3R7mThI-pltCh2owwRY64TYMuR1xHSXJJrVWLcu9AeaJF2ZvjWHt-yH7hmHbjc/s1600/tank+covers.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="168" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtwRY2IC4mxQXtVF8jD2CQ6TSpZ_BmmIn0LPydpN_IvtHCTXSMb1z3UdTYzyE5_qvOdk9_-hEGfNgoh3R7mThI-pltCh2owwRY64TYMuR1xHSXJJrVWLcu9AeaJF2ZvjWHt-yH7hmHbjc/s320/tank+covers.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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I felt the type of sheer and complete panic that led me to freeze and behave in less than logical ways. When it ignited instead of spinning away it stayed firmly lodged where it had landed. I ran to where the firework was and to my dismay saw small flames flickering out from beneath the edges of the metal lid. I could not even imagine the trouble I was going to be in if I was found out. My fear motivated me to act in self-preservation instead of taking into account the imminent danger of the situation. As calmly as I could I walked back into the store and politely asked for a glass of water. I rushed back outside and tossed it on the flames. As you might expect it did nothing to improve the situation. As I returned for another cup someone rushed out of the gas station with a fire extinguisher and doused the flames. I jumped on my bike and road towards home as if the cops were chasing me, and I was almost certain that if they weren't already, they would be in a matter of moments. As the adrenaline slowly worked its' way through my tiny limbs that were gripping my handlebars tightly and pumping vigorously on plastic pedals my mind raced through the events. Suddenly I realized that in my panic I had left behind my small plastic bag with the remaining fireworks. I spun my bike around and returned to the scene of the crime. </div>
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They were gone. Crap. Would they know it was me? What about all the lost fun? Those are my fireworks, how dare they take them! Instead of cutting my losses and feeling gratitude for what I had just escaped I rationalized that I was the victim here having had my hard earned money taken from me. I brazenly walked back into the store and casually asked if anyone had turned in a bag of fireworks that I had accidentally dropped. I was taken aback when the clerk yelled at me that the owner had them and wasn't going to give them back until I went and talked to him. I was told he was at the softball game and I better go up there right away. </div>
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I left quickly and pondered if I should go talk to him. I was pretty sure they knew I was the culprit and that I was in trouble, but how could they take my fireworks? It certainly didn't seem fair to me. I pedaled slowly to the park with emotions swinging from fear to indignation. I stopped and sat on my bike in the trees just beyond the outfield and fumed. I sulked and shed some tears and eventually turned around and slowly pedaled home.</div>
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I would keep that secret until I was 28. The experience at that age was scary, shameful, and embarrassing. Reflecting on it now I can see several lessons that I failed to learn at that young age. The two that stick out to me today is how ignoring the boundaries in place for my safety put me in harms way, and that a lack of feeling gratitude led me to behave with entitlement.</div>
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Certainly at the age of 12 I often saw boundaries or rules as constricting and oppressive. It seemed they were there to suck all of the fun out of life. I think I sometimes hold on to that view even now. A good boundary however is not designed to trap me but to keep me safe from harm, and free from some of the potentially painful consequences of acting without restriction. It creates the borders wherein I can freely experience and make mistakes. Now that I am in a position to establish some of my own boundaries it is helpful for me to see that they are necessary and useful. Too many and it is suffocating and perhaps a futile attempt to control all of life's outcomes, but without any I can feel chaotic and unbalanced. Setting clear boundaries in my life with relationships, self-care, work, and how I spend my time are just as important as the boundaries I set for my children about not playing in the road or eating foods other than jellybeans and licorice. </div>
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When I did break those rules of where and when I should be playing with fireworks I found myself in very real danger. At the time I did not realize how severe that danger was, but by some intervention of providence, grace or dumb luck I was able to avoid disaster. Instead of recognizing that or the many things in my life I have reason to be grateful for my mind turned immediately to the losses. Gratitude seems to cultivate joy and increases my ability to be fully present in the moment. Focusing on my losses develops feelings of entitlement and bitterness. Believing that the world owes me whatever I may desire at any given moment will inevitably leave me disappointed and angry. Over time the bitterness that can take root from that will choke out joy and leave me focused in the past or hopeless about the future.</div>
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Today I will practice gratitude and see how healthy boundaries in my life create safety and facilitate my development along my chosen path. What does gratitude cultivate for you? What impact do boundaries have on your life? </div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05201965446580603959noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8904550362215678975.post-88919407127360636852013-07-04T08:38:00.001-07:002013-07-04T08:47:28.558-07:00Freedom<br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><i>I am free</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I am free</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Free to be me</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Free to seek happiness</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Free to change how I see</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Free to choose a path</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Free to live wholeheartedly unfettered by the past</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Free to reject fear and shame</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Free to fight bravely through struggles and pain</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Free to let my soul fly to heights yet unknown</span><br />
Free no matter how far I've wandered, to steer a path back home<br />
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Happy Independence day, live life free<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05201965446580603959noreply@blogger.com2