Stop chasing cheese

I respect my limits and persevere with urgency, not haste

I am getting older and have noticed that sometimes when I am playing sports my mind moves more quickly than my body has the ability to respond. In those moments I realize that if I keep pushing beyond my physical limits I am more likely to get sustain an injury, or at the least embarrass myself.

I do not want to curb the passion or desire I have to pursue my goals, but I do need to recognize the necessity to be patient with myself.  My journey can only be traveled one step at a time, one day at a time, and it is marked by perseverance not speed.  I may find moments when what I need is to just slow down, breathe, and be gentle with myself.  If I run faster than I have strength I may find myself tripping and falling face down in the dirt. 

I am reminded of an annual tradition in Gloucester England where a giant wheel of cheese is rolled down a hill.  Participants chase after it as gravity quickly creates a momentum beyond their bodies abilities to control.  The event quickly becomes a jumble of flailing limbs and  bodies careening off one another. Catching the cheese becomes secondary to the vain attempts to stay upright and avoid major injuries as they crash down the hill.

 

HOPEEPOH

I see the world as a kind place

 The past week I have struggled with the idea of how to affirm hope.  I have wanted to write about it as a way to celebrate my daughter's birthday, but have experienced difficulty in how to express it adequately.  It became even more complicated after wrestling with a few of my own problems that stirred up some feelings of anger.  

I was not feeling particularly hopeful, and although that is the perfect time to affirm hope I could not find the words.  I started to look for quotes about hope that might help crystallize my thoughts and inspire me, instead it caused me further pause.

Hope, deceitful as it is, serves at least to lead us to the end of our lives by an agreeable route.  ~François Duc de La Rochefoucauld

Once you choose hope, anything's possible.  ~Christopher Reeve

Hope is the only universal liar who never loses his reputation for veracity.  ~Robert G. Ingersoll

Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops... at all.  ~Emily Dickinson

Things which you do not hope happen more frequently than things which you do hope.  ~Titus Maccius Plautus

Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come.  ~Anne Lamott

In reality, hope is the worst of all evils, because it prolongs man's torments.  ~Friedrich Nietzsche

Hope is the feeling we have that the feeling we have is not permanent.  ~Mignon McLaughlin

 What I found was not exactly a clear picture of what hope is supposed to look like.  Is hope what comes before the miraculous, or is it just a way of covering my eyes to the cruel truth? I think the answer is yes.  To which questions this answer applies is a matter of how I choose to see the world.

If the world is a cruel dark place waiting to hurt me, hope is something that will only cause me pain as it sets me up for disappointment again and again.  If the world is a kind place I have no reason to think that what I hope for is not only possible, but that the universe will conspire to see it happen.  How I see the world is going to determine how I interact with it.  It will influence the way I interpret and respond to each experience I have.  The emotions my experiences trigger and the way I view myself and others will all be influenced by how I choose to see the world.  Today I choose to view the world as a kind place where hope can blossom.   

The road that is built in hope is more pleasant to the traveler than the road built in despair, even though they both lead to the same destination.  ~Marian Zimmer Bradley

Part of the herd

I am at my strongest when I stand with those I trust

An adult wolf weighs an average of 85-100 lbs. When wolves hunt in packs they are capable of bringing down prey over 10 times their own body weight. They have a very systematic process in hunting large prey.  After locating it they stalk the herd carefully by concealing their approach so that they can get as close as possible to their quarry.  Once the wolves are detected the prey can choose to approach, flee, or stand ground.  The wolves require the stimulus of a fleeing animal to attack.  They try to create fear and attempt to isolate a single animal running from the herd and then work together to bring it down.  In any situation the greatest chance of survival for the prey is to stand ground.

It is by working together that wolves are able to survive. On the other side of the equation the animals they hunt are safest when they stand together. Musk Ox, one of the wolves prey, form a protective ring around their young.  The wolves work together to try and disrupt the herd.  If one of the animals panics and tries to run, or breaks rank in an attempt to take on the wolves alone, they are attacked by the pack and eventually brought down. Even the small or weak members of the herd are safe, so long as they stick together.

Tonight I had a powerful experience sharing some of my current struggles with several people I trust.  For awhile I kept it to myself, but when I decided to ask for help by talking things through I received an outpouring of support. It was difficult to be vulnerable and talk about the challenges I am facing.  When I finally did, I went from feeling afraid and weak to feeling empowered and focused. The strength lent to me by others was exactly what was needed at that moment.

I can't go it alone or I will never survive. When I stay connected and rely on others I stay safe, and I have a strength well beyond my own.

The Procrastinator

 I am daring to do my best

I have a thousand ways to dodge doing whatever needs to be done, that I do not want to do.  I procrastinate by delaying, create excuses, letting myself be distracted, getting busy with something else, there is always a reason for not doing it.  None of the reasons are particularly good or even logical, but it buffers me from the real reasons I may not want to do something.  In most cases the reason is fear.

During my many years in school I had a consistent problem with procrastinating.  If a major assignment was due I would put it off as long as possible.  Eventually, I would have no time left and it would take an extraordinary effort just to finish what had to be done on time. When I finally finished there would be such a sense of relief that I could avoid thinking about if I had done my best work or what grade I would get. I created an excuse for myself that shielded me against the fear of failure. I could blame circumstances for not having time to do it well, I could justify that whatever grade I got was not truly a measure of my abilities, there was always a built in excuse to avoid accountability. By doing that I never truly risked myself or took full advantage of what I might have learned. The fear of criticism and failure kept me from reaching my full potential as a student.  

Regret comes from those moments when I am forced to wonder what would be if I had not tried to hide from fear and instead given my best.  How will I know what I am truly capable of if I am not willing to dare greatly? I will not procrastinate my life, give half measures, or live in regret for what I might have been able to do. Today I will hold nothing back.  I do not need to be perfect, doing what I am capable of right now is enough.

 "Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt."
-- William Shakespeare

Making of a Masterpiece

 Each day I am practicing hope and persistence

I love the parks in southern Utah.  The raw beauty of the landscape is inspiring to me.  I took this picture with some dear friends on their way from Montana to Texas several years ago.  

Delicate Arch and other wonders of beauty in the area were carved slowly by water and wind over eons. With enough time and pressure towering rock formations can be ground to dust.

The journey of authenticity designed to reach my full potential is lifelong, practiced a day at a time.  I am a work in progress and recognizing that helps me to choose hope and persistence when faced with the enormity of the task. Rather than feeling overwhelmed by the challenges or goals in my life, each day I will take the time given to keep chipping away at my problems and working toward my goals. With hope and persistence I create my masterpiece a day at a time.

The difficult we do immediately, the impossible takes a little longer -- Army Corps of Engineers Motto

Letting the light in

Life is springing forth from my imperfections

 This past summer several of my siblings and I did a backpacking trip through Coyote Gulch. I spent many hours hiking through the canyon awed by the towering cliffs surrounding me.  The face of the red rock walls were mostly sheer and barren, save for the dark streaks left behind by water spilling over from the top of the steep canyon walls. At one point on the hike I looked up and was surprised to see a large bush growing straight out of the wall hundreds of feet above the canyon floor.  From a small crack or imperfection in that majestic rock, life was able to spring forth.

When I see my cracks and imperfections I am faced with a choice. I could choose to fear the vulnerability those imperfections make me feel and I can try to hide it.  I can shield myself with the ideals of perfectionism, divert attention by controlling or criticizing the imperfections of others, or maybe keep it secret and poison it with shame.

I am human and if I choose to instead look at my imperfections as opportunities, I nurture the life that can spring forth from those places. My cracks and imperfections open a space inside me, and when I allow myself to be authentic and vulnerable those imperfections are bathed in the light of grace.  That light shines through nourishing seeds of hope that can gain traction through roots of gratitude.  As I grow from the mistakes I make and the lessons I learn, I see my imperfections bearing the fruits of joy and connection with my Higher Power and others.
 

Gratitude + Grace =

 I am joyful! 

I believe that joy bubbles up from a confluence of gratitude and grace. It seems to be distinctly different from happiness which originates from what is happening to me. Joy is cultivated within and is not dependent on circumstances. Today I am taking inventory of all that I have to be grateful for. The list even includes trials and tragedies that taught me a lesson or opened my eyes to how important something is. The list does not include how I compare to others, nor is it about how much of something I have that can be counted up.

As I recognize my gifts and see how they have been given to me at just the right time or in just the right way, I see the grace and mercy of my Higher Power at work. I am surrounded by beauty and I can see how I am connected to it. I recognize I have been given a part in an epic story designed for me to reach my ultimate potential. I can then see the purpose and meaning of each experience. Today as grace and gratitude flow together I embrace joyfulness.