The Procrastinator

 I am daring to do my best

I have a thousand ways to dodge doing whatever needs to be done, that I do not want to do.  I procrastinate by delaying, create excuses, letting myself be distracted, getting busy with something else, there is always a reason for not doing it.  None of the reasons are particularly good or even logical, but it buffers me from the real reasons I may not want to do something.  In most cases the reason is fear.

During my many years in school I had a consistent problem with procrastinating.  If a major assignment was due I would put it off as long as possible.  Eventually, I would have no time left and it would take an extraordinary effort just to finish what had to be done on time. When I finally finished there would be such a sense of relief that I could avoid thinking about if I had done my best work or what grade I would get. I created an excuse for myself that shielded me against the fear of failure. I could blame circumstances for not having time to do it well, I could justify that whatever grade I got was not truly a measure of my abilities, there was always a built in excuse to avoid accountability. By doing that I never truly risked myself or took full advantage of what I might have learned. The fear of criticism and failure kept me from reaching my full potential as a student.  

Regret comes from those moments when I am forced to wonder what would be if I had not tried to hide from fear and instead given my best.  How will I know what I am truly capable of if I am not willing to dare greatly? I will not procrastinate my life, give half measures, or live in regret for what I might have been able to do. Today I will hold nothing back.  I do not need to be perfect, doing what I am capable of right now is enough.

 "Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt."
-- William Shakespeare