Do my best (Guest Post - Makenna)

Today I welcome the first of several guest contributors that will be making an appearance here. I think it is useful to see how affirmations are used and sound when coming from a variety of different perspectives and experiences.  I am grateful for the willingness of these posters to share what affirms them.  Each voice helps to support me on my journey and I value the vulnerability and courage they show.  It inspires me to walk my own path with authenticity. 

You will be able to find all of the contributions from guests gathered together under the guest post page.  I welcome anyone who would also like to make a contribution with your own affirmation to contact me here or I can be reached by email at canfieldaffirmations@gmail.com

This first post was written by my daughter.  The typing is mine, but the words, phrasing, and editing is all her own.

It's okay, I can do my best

March 11th I came home from 1st grade to my dad and showed him my grade on school.  I was sad that my class didn't get all 4's like I did.  And I said that it doesn't matter if you get all 4's on your grades.  And to just do your best.  It kind of feels scary in 2nd grade that I won't understand the new things that are in 2nd grade.  And in 2nd grade I will tell myself to just do my best.  To follow the rules and listen, be nice, play with other people and be nice to each other.  

Makenna C.

Age 6

March 30, 2013

See me

I am willing to be seen

Markers, pens, crayons, pencils, lipstick, anything that might be seen as an implement of expression for my daughter's artistic vision is a dangerous item to be left within reach or climbing distance. I love that she enjoys drawing, I just sometimes wish she did not see the world as her canvas.  Her creations are not limited to paper but may at times be found on a wall, book, the TV screen, counter-top, or her own body.  I once caught her in the act of expressing herself with a green highlighter all over her face and legs.  When I looked at her she put her hand up and said, "no see me Dad, no see me."

I sometimes make mistakes that take more than a little soap and water to wash off.  I have times when I do not want to be seen.  No see my... fear, shame, weakness, mistakes, pain, broken places... 

I put up my hands and try to hide. But even when I am hiding what I really want is to be seen.  I want to be seen even in my mistakes and pain.  I want someone to see me and not turn away.  Until I open myself to be seen completely in all my imperfections I will never have the experience of being truly connected. I will put down my hands and let myself be witnessed, trusting that what is seen is worthy of being loved and understood. 

Learning to grunt and point

I am expressing my needs

My 2 year old daughter has recently become increasingly more vocal.  It is cute to watch her get excited and string some words together to try and express herself.  For a long time she has understood perfectly what others say to her but she chose not to talk much.  Instead of speaking she had an intricate series of sounds and hand gestures that she used to communicate.  A grunt here, a point there, mix in a full handed finger wave and whatever she needed was hers. 

At that age it is crucial to express herself, whether it is with words, tears, or pointing, because she is reliant upon others to meet all of her basic needs.  As she grows older she will become more self-sufficient and capable of taking care of herself.  However, no matter how old she gets, the desire for  connection will require that she rely on somebody else to meet that need.  At times I am far less effective at communicating my needs that my daughter was when all she did was grunt and point.

I struggle to express emotion.  A few days ago I was feeling some strong emotions and I had to work on expressing them.  I took the step of trying to express them with someone I wanted to connect with, but when I did not get the response that I wanted I withdrew.  Instead of communicating what I needed I shut down.  To have the intimacy and connection with others that I want, it takes not only expressing how I feel, but expressing how I need others to meet my needs.  In that moment I just needed someone to listen to me as I explored my emotions.  It was not until after I tried again the next day that I took the risk to ask for what I really needed from the conversation.  Being vulnerable and expressing that allowed me to be open with what I felt and needed, and it showed trust that the other person could, and would want to meet my needs.

Today I can clearly express my needs to others and I will trust that they can meet those needs.  This vulnerability and openness will also provide opportunities for the connection and intimacy I desire with others. Until I ask for what I need, in the way that I need it, I can not expect my needs to be met.  

Yay mistakes!

I am sharing the gift of my mistakes

I had a fantastic conversation with a friend yesterday that allowed me to understand some of the things he is currently experiencing. This understanding came because of my own past mistakes and the emotions we have both experienced. Afterwards I was sitting quietly in thought and I was surprised at how I was feeling. My chest and face were warm like it feels when basking in the sun of a clear spring afternoon. I had a feeling of being connected even though I was in solitude. Most of all I had a feeling of worth and value.

Mistakes can teach powerful lessons and I have had a few doozies that have taught me hard and well. After learning from them I usually prefer to tuck those experiences away and keep them out of sight and hopefully out of mind. I certainly do not want to openly share them with others. During that conversation I dusted a few off and when I brought them out and shared them I could see a hidden beauty that I had not noticed before. When I am willing to be vulnerable with my imperfections and share the lessons of my mistakes I can start to see how nothing is wasted in this life.  No matter what I have gone through and how much I may want to forget it, my experiences can help others.

The help is not going to come because I have some deep wisdom with the answers to all their problems. The answers I have gained from those experiences are my own and although I may share what I have learned everyone must walk their own path. The answers of value to any question come from within and are hard won. The way I am able to help others is by showing up and being vulnerable with my story. As I listened to his story I was reminded what it is like to step into the darkness of the unknown, filled with doubt, wondering if there is a way through.  Sharing my story is a light in the darkness. It does not always show the way out, but it shows that we are not alone and that others have walked the path before us. 

My mistakes give me the gift of wisdom when I choose to learn from them. Those experiences from my mistakes can continue to give, when I am willing to share my story with others.  

Unwritten

I am the author of my life

I love a good story.  In particular I am inspired by the underdog that overcomes the seemingly impossible. In my own story it sometimes feels like life has created a set of circumstances that leave me locked in to patterns that keep playing out the same set of results. It appears that my story has already been written.  I am locked in and I either lack the skills to overcome, or that I do not have the choice to do something different. It can feel like my story has already been written and I have no choice to play out my part to its' inevitable conclusion. It may even seem that every act is just one more chapter in a never ending tragedy. 

It is a mistake to think I am only a character in this story. My role is bigger than just the part I think has been written for me...I am the author. If I find that the lines that past circumstance have written for me do not tell the story I want, then it is time to begin rewriting the script.  I own this story, it is mine, and I am meant to be the hero that overcomes the odds and reaches my full potential.

 

Crazy making

I embrace the uncertainty of change

In the midst of the change process I have found moments, hours, sometimes days where nothing seems to make any sense. Although I am committed to making positive changes the process of that change often leaves me feeling unbalanced. 

Cordova Bay, AK canffirmations.blogspot.com

When my parents were living in Alaska I was introduced to deep sea halibut fishing. After spending almost a full day out on the boat we got home and started cleaning the fish. I hopped in the shower to clean up and I had the distinct feeling of being back on the boat. My inner ear was accustomed to the constant rocking of the boat and even though I was back on solid ground I felt shaky. I had to lean against the wall and steady myself to avoid falling over in the shower. 

Making changes to patterns that I have become used to over many years is not likely to happen without some disorientation. If I try to wrap my arms around the chaos and try to control it I may find myself feeling not just unbalanced but a little crazy. If I persist in those attempts to force my will on the process I am more likely to slide back into old patterns. I will embrace the change process and let go of my need to control it. In time my equilibrium will return and I will find myself standing on more solid ground.

"All great changes are preceded by chaos" -- Deepak Chopra