Keep your eye on the fencepost.

I am envisioning my future

When I was 16 I got a job moving sprinkler pipes to water a farmer's hay field. He taught me how to unhook, move, and then re-attach each section of pipe so that the field could get watered evenly each morning and evening. I was told that I should focus on a distant fence-post each time I put down a new piece of pipe. I thought I knew pretty much everything at that age and was quite certain I didn't need anyone to tell me how to put things together in a straight line. I ignored the instruction and just looked at each pipe I had previously hooked together and lined up the new one I had just moved over. When I finished I went to the top of the sprinkler line to turn the water on and saw that my sprinklers  zigged and zagged more like a slithering snake than anything that remotely resembled a straight line. 

I can't live in the future but I need to do more than look behind me or just a few steps ahead.  Unless I have a vision of where I am going I will never get there.  Having a clear idea of what I want keeps my path focused just like aiming at a fence post could have kept my sprinkler line straight. If I have no idea where I am going, any road will take me there.  Today I will create and refine the vision of my future.  

What do you envision for yourself?  Comments and feedback are always appreciated.

Les Miserables, science, and near-death experiences.

I am open to the experiences that allow me to see life more fully

I think that most people do the very best they can given what they know and the situations they find themselves in.  Others believe that life is as the philosopher Hobbes put it, "solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short." The way change really happens is not through just altering our behaviors but in changing the way we see the world.

Thomas Kuhn was a physicist and historian who made the argument that science does not develop in a linear path.  Progress doesn't necessarily come bit by bit but rather through periodic paradigm shifts that changes the way science is thought about.  These shifts open up possibilities of imagining the world in a completely different way.

I've often heard of near death experiences completely changing the way someone approaches life.  The event changes them profoundly and permanently.  I have been in mild to serious peril on more than one occasion but I have been fortunate to have never experienced anything quiet like almost dying.  I don't think a near death experience is required for change. When I am open to it, experiences in my life can provide opportunities for my own paradigm shifts to occur.  They may come from anywhere; a movie, conversation, trial, meditation, relationship, on a hike, at a rock concert, in a dream, but only if I am willing to accept the possibility that I have more to learn and the way I see the world may be limited.

I watched Les Miserables this afternoon and it was interesting to me seeing the very different responses taken by Jean Valjean and Javert to the experiences capable of creating a paradigm shift.

**Spoiler Alert** 

**If you haven't watched the movie or already know the story you may want to skip this paragraph**

Jean Valjean experiences multiple moments where he has decisions to make and the way he sees the world changes.  The ransom of the priest who sets him free after he steals the silver, the opportunity to let an innocent man take the blame for his crimes, the death of Frantine, his rescue and love of Cosette, to name only a few.  Each time he became a different man and seemed to grow and learn crucial lessons in the process.  Javert on the other hand was such a slave to the way he saw the world in black and white, heaven and hell, good and evil that he could not live in a world where someone like Jean Valjean existed.  He believed Jean Valjean could never change and was unwilling to accept mercy in a world that he had built around justice. 

I will walk my path with open eyes and ears for the lessons life has available to teach me.  I will recognize that opportunities exist all around me to gain understanding and shift the way I see the world.  These shifts in paradigm will open up possibilities for the change and growth that I seek. 

By the time I get to Arizona

I am right where I need to be and headed in the direction I want to go

A few years ago I was in Bryce Canyon for a family reunion.  It had been several years since I had been to that area of Southern Utah so I was not particularly familiar with the roads.  Although we had traveled with several other vehicles on the way in we had to leave early and drove out alone.  Most of the roads in that area are single lane and have few areas for passing.  I got behind a truck hauling a camper for what felt like forever.  It seemed to be driving somewhere between 5 and 80 miles an hour under the posted speed-limit and I couldn't get around it.  Even though the drive home had just started I was already feeling a little road rage and wanted the long journey to be over.  

Finally an opportunity came to get around the truck when the road came to a T junction and the camper turned right.  I don't know if I even gave much thought to which way I was supposed to be going but the sign had a familiar sounding name on it and I turned left thrilled to be free of the impediment to my lead foot.

I should have turned right.

Almost 2 hours later I became anxious as nothing looked familiar and we hadn't hit the freeway yet.  I stopped at the next town for directions where I found out I was in Kanab just a few miles from the Arizona border.  I drove angry for awhile but at least I was finally turned around and heading in the right direction.  

 source: http://www.kanabguide.com/assets/kanab-area-map.jpg

I made a mistake by not being clear about what my path was.  I made another mistake when I didn't take notice of where I was headed.  Sometimes I'm so busy just trying to get past something in my life that I don't pay attention to where that may lead me.

I had a friend when I was younger who always liked to say, "wherever you go, there you are."  I would laugh but it didn't hold much meaning for me at the time.  I realize now that I can't control where I am at any given moment.  It doesn't matter if I'm in Kanab or on I-15, it just is.  What does matter is what direction I'm facing.  Either I can be in Kanab and facing home, or I can be heading towards Arizona.  I've heard it said that it is better to be a foot away from hell and walking away from it than a thousand miles away headed straight for it.  I am not insinuating that Arizona is hell, just that it's not where I wanted to go :) 

Today I accept that I am where I am and that I will be conscious in choosing what direction I am facing.  It matters more that I am on my path and going in the right direction than where on that path I am.  

Shoes? I don't need no stinkin shoes!

I am resilient

As a kid I loved playing outside. I did not however love wearing shoes. The consequences of that was that I had a few painful bee-stings, a tetanus shot after stepping on a rusty nail and even a trip to the emergency room after cutting my foot to the bone on some glass in a gutter. I learned some things about safety and caution from those experiences. However, by not wearing shoes I also learned about developing resilience.

Over time my feet developed strong calluses that toughened the skin and allowed me to handle certain things that I wouldn't have experienced had I always worn shoes. Every time I get hurt or fall I have the opportunity to rise again. It may involve tears, pain, disappointment, anger, even self-pity but among all of those powerful emotions I have a choice. I can build internal walls of protection, withdraw from the world and others or I can get up, dust off and keep walking. Each time I fall I will rise with determination, strength, and resilience.

More than a one-month gym membership

 I am committed to the process of change

I rarely set resolutions for the new year.  Occasionally I have silently thought that if it isn't too difficult and I have enough time maybe I should possibly consider eventually getting around to perhaps making some sort of positive change like getting in shape or something like that.  That approach hasn't worked out very well for me.

Change is a process that first requires a firm commitment.  Taking the first step by resolving to make a change helps promote self-reflection and gives me a moment to assess where I am and where I want to be.  This year I have decided to make resolutions based on a feedback tool I learned called start/stop/continue.

There is a saying based on Buddhist tradition that says you can't say no until you know what yes is.  Before I can stop a particular behavior I need to know what will be replacing it.  What are the positive things I want in my life that will fill the void of what I am tying to stop doing? It is also important for me to identify what practices I want to continue that have proven to be valuable.

Change is never easy but I commit today to stay engaged in that process.  To help facilitate that I would like to share some of my current resolutions so that I can be accountable to myself and others.

Start: I will practice authenticity by being open and sharing my emotions with others.  I have a tendency to hold in what I feel or judge myself for feeling a particular way (I discussed this in greater detail here: http://canffirmations.blogspot.com/2012/12/all-inno-bluffs.html )

Stop: I have a bad habit of engaging in negative self-talk.  I am my own worst critic and when I allow internal dialogue to undermine my best self I sabotage my ability to make healthy changes.

Continue: I have been making efforts to be more transparent and vulnerable.  This blog for example has pushed me to be painfully honest with myself and how I share my experiences with others.  It stretches me in very uncomfortable ways but I have seen how it is benefiting me and I want to keep pushing into the places where I have need for growth.

What are you willing to commit to? Feel free to use the comments to share any resolutions you have and to give or receive encouragement from others.