I am drawing on deep inner strength and accomplishing the amazing
I love stories of courage, strength, and especially when someone seems to overcome impossible odds. They give me hope and inspire me while at the very same time causing me to doubt myself. I wish I could do what they did but I'm convinced I can't.
The thin line between inspiration and doubt is the battleground I need to fight within myself. I think there is a reason why those stories resonate deep within me. I look at the circumstances in my life and I feel like an underdog.
"How could I possibly overcome this?"
"If only I was stronger, more courageous, motivated, smart....."
"If only I was stronger, more courageous, motivated, smart....."
Doubt sets in and I lose heart. I believe everyone is capable of amazing things but for it to be called out of us requires a challenge and the courage to take a step towards our greatness even if we doubt.
Last year I took a trip to Coyote Gulch in Southern Utah with some family. It was early August and for that time of year it is considered the off-season because of the extreme heat. To stay properly hydrated while hiking in those types of conditions requires around 1.5 liters of water per hour which is just under half a gallon. The trip was planned for 4 days. Our longest hike was planned for day 3 and after already hiking for 12 miles that day we had to rethink our plans. A possible storm was due to arrive the next day and the route we had chosen to climb in and out of the canyon would likely become impassable with any moisture at all on the rock.
Last year I took a trip to Coyote Gulch in Southern Utah with some family. It was early August and for that time of year it is considered the off-season because of the extreme heat. To stay properly hydrated while hiking in those types of conditions requires around 1.5 liters of water per hour which is just under half a gallon. The trip was planned for 4 days. Our longest hike was planned for day 3 and after already hiking for 12 miles that day we had to rethink our plans. A possible storm was due to arrive the next day and the route we had chosen to climb in and out of the canyon would likely become impassable with any moisture at all on the rock.
It was agreed that we should make the trip back out of the canyon that evening. It was already late in the afternoon and we were all exhausted. I was most concerned about my dad who has had trouble with his knees and to hike another 3 miles through the heat, over sand and slick rock, with a full pack was not going to be easy. My siblings and I let him take a nap while we broke camp and started hauling packs up out of the canyon. Just getting us and the packs up took far longer than expected and I had already consumed half the water I had packed for the return trip out. As I saw my Dad struggling to make his way up the climb I decided there was no way I was going to let him strap on his pack for the rest of the hike out. I knew he would resist and decline the offer so before there was a chance to discuss it I put my pack on and then picked up his and started hiking out. I wasn't sure how far I could go, but I just kept trying to put one foot in front of the other (even though I couldn't see them.) I did my best to stay far enough ahead of my father that I could rest when needed but that he still would not be able to catch me. I ran out of what little warm water I had left half-way back to the truck and the heat was unrelenting, but whenever I thought I couldn't do it any longer I tried to take one more step. Somehow we all eventually made it back to the vehicle before dark. I was exhausted but felt a deep sense of satisfaction for having been able to do something that was so difficult.
The struggles I face aren't always so dramatic and usually are internal. Writing this blog terrifies me sometimes. I feel vulnerable and I put myself in a place that is very uncomfortable for me. This affirmation is what I needed and came up with yesterday but I was too afraid to write it. I doubt my writing, I doubt if it will make a difference for anyone else, I doubt if anyone will want to bother reading it. Even though I doubt, I am going to take a step. Each step I take beyond the doubt I find that I am capable of more. A deep well of strength exists within us all to accomplish the amazing in our life.
Take a moment to reflect on some of the things you have accomplished that required courage to push beyond doubt. How might reminding yourself of that help you push into your current struggles, or begin a new challenge?
Clair you never know the good you can do or have done! You have to keep writing!! Even if it were only for you (it's not... you are inspiring others) it would still be worth it. By being vulnerable & honest you make it so much easier for others to do the same. You give others permission to be open & honest with you at the very least and hopefully with other people in their lives. You're awesome.
ReplyDeleteThanks Aimee, you have been incredibly supportive and I always appreciate your honesty and courage. Even if I wasn't going to publish it for all the world to see I would definitely keep writing these because I've seen it make a difference for me. However, sharing it really is important for me to do. As much as it freaks me out and makes me horribly uncomfortable I feel more connected when I share what I'm feeling and experiencing with others. I have a habit of withdrawing and holding everything in. It keeps me disconnected and isolated which is the worst thing for me to do. Writing these keeps me accountable to the process of being vulnerable with others and comes with the added benefit of incredible encouragement and support from amazing people like you and the others here on the board.
DeleteFunny how the examples of this kind of courage in my life come from backpacking treks as well. On a few occasions I had to remind myself that as long as we kept going time was passing; and the combination of those two things held promise for some form of relief.
ReplyDeletePlus it builds character and all that other stuff that sounds like crap when you're a kid. It has become an obvious trend to me in my life that the learning experiences that stick with me usually involve some combination of loved ones, nature, and difficult challenges.
DeleteDoubt is a powerful motivator for me. I find that when I have doubt in myself or my abilities but I move forward and put myself out there in spite of it, I am often times rewarded in unexpected and fulfilling ways. It reminds me every day that I can still surprise myself and be surprised by others. Doubt builds my self confidence faster than anything else by opening my eyes to the limitless possibilities and outcomes that we can be privileged to.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great way to look at those moments of doubt. I aspire to be able to do that.
DeleteI don't doubt your writing abilities, not a bit. I find a lot of inspiration from your affirmations, and I look forward to reading them. If you were able to sit in the shoes of each person reading your affirmations and experience how your words impact them for the good, I would bet those creeping doubts would be dispelled. And I agree with what Aimee said, if not for anyone else, you should keep writing for yourself. Lucky for us that's not the case.
ReplyDeleteYou and a few other of your readers will understand the struggles I've had with arthritis and hip/back problems. I associate the related pain with running, which is an exercise I've not been able to do in the past. I doubted it was an exercise I'd ever be able to tolerate. This summer I wanted to participate in a 5K and to train for it I needed to run. It turns out I could run, and the doubts that kept me from really trying had prevented me from that realization. I started out slow and steadily was able to increase incline and distance. I can't say I love to run, but I'm in love with the satisfaction I felt each time I finished a run.
One foot in front of the other....
Running is torture :)
DeleteWhat an amazing example of overcoming doubt and unlocking a piece of the limitless potential we all have to do the amazing! Thanks for sharing that experience and the wisdom you gained from it.