2 packs, 1 hiker, no water

I am drawing on deep inner strength and accomplishing the amazing

I love stories of courage, strength, and especially when someone seems to overcome impossible odds.  They give me hope and inspire me while at the very same time causing me to doubt myself.   I wish I could do what they did but I'm convinced I can't.
 

The thin line between inspiration and doubt is the battleground I need to fight within myself.  I think there is a reason why those stories resonate deep within me.  I look at the circumstances in my life and I feel like an underdog. 

"How could I possibly overcome this?"
"If only I was stronger, more courageous, motivated, smart....."

Doubt sets in and I lose heart.  I believe everyone is capable of amazing things but for it to be called out of us requires a challenge and the courage to take a step towards our greatness even if we doubt.

Last year I took a trip to Coyote Gulch in Southern Utah with some family.  It was early August and for that time of year it is considered the off-season because of the extreme heat. To stay properly hydrated while hiking in those types of conditions requires around 1.5 liters of water per hour which is just under half a gallon.  The trip was planned for 4 days.  Our longest hike was planned for day 3 and after already hiking for 12 miles that day we had to rethink our plans.  A possible storm was due to arrive the next day and the route we had chosen to climb in and out of the canyon would likely become impassable with any moisture at all on the rock.

It was agreed that we should make the trip back out of the canyon that evening.  It was already late in the afternoon and we were all exhausted.  I was most concerned about my dad who has had trouble with his knees and to hike another 3 miles through the heat, over sand and slick rock, with a full pack was not going to be easy.  My siblings and I let him take a nap while we broke camp and started hauling packs up out of the canyon.  Just getting us and the packs up took far longer than expected and I had already consumed half the water I had packed for the return trip out.  As I saw my Dad struggling to make his way up the climb I decided there was no way I was going to let him strap on his pack for the rest of the hike out.  I knew he would resist and decline the offer so before there was a chance to discuss it I put my pack on and then picked up his and started hiking out.  I wasn't sure how far I could go, but I just kept trying to put one foot in front of the other (even though I couldn't see them.)  I did my best to stay far enough ahead of my father that I could rest when needed but that he still would not be able to catch me.  I ran out of what little warm water I had left half-way back to the truck and the heat was unrelenting, but whenever I thought I couldn't do it any longer I tried to take one more step.  Somehow we all eventually made it back to the vehicle before dark.  I was exhausted but felt a deep sense of satisfaction for having been able to do something that was so difficult.

The struggles I face aren't always so dramatic and usually are internal.  Writing this blog terrifies me sometimes.  I feel vulnerable and I put myself in a place that is very uncomfortable for me.  This affirmation is what I needed and came up with yesterday but I was too afraid to write it.  I doubt my writing, I doubt if it will make a difference for anyone else, I doubt if anyone will want to bother reading it.  Even though I doubt, I am going to take a step. Each step I take beyond the doubt I find that I am capable of more.  A deep well of strength exists within us all to accomplish the amazing in our life.

Take a moment to reflect on some of the things you have accomplished that required courage to push beyond doubt.  How might reminding yourself of that help you push into your current struggles, or begin a new challenge?