Saturday, December 22, 2012

Locking myself out of forgiveness.

I am practicing compassionate forgiveness

Not long ago I locked myself out of my office....again. Each time I feel more ridiculous than the last.  I've had to ask the administrative assistant for her keys so I can get back in at least 5 times.  Occasionally when I approach her now with a question before I can say anything she will ask me if I need her keys again. "When will I learn," and "I'm so stupid," are the thoughts that go through my head.

One instance happened about a month ago at 11pm in the evening. I was trying to get caught up and had just finished making some copies when I shut the supply room door at the same moment I realized my keys were sitting on the counter. I felt like an idiot. I didn't want to call anybody and inconvenience them who had keys and I also didn't want to admit to locking myself out.  My wife had just gone to sleep after staying up for 36 hours from a night shift and I couldn't bring myself to call anyone for help to come pick me up. Instead of humbly asking someone for assistance I started the 7 miles it was going to take for me to walk home.  I spent the first 3 miles berating myself until I finally broke down and called my sister for a ride.

We all make mistakes. I am learning that there is no value in harshly judging myself or others. Judging keeps me stuck and walking alone in the dark. I need forgiveness for the mistakes I've made and the ones I have yet to make.  Today I am practicing compassion for myself and others by forgiving. 

1 comment:

  1. It's amazing what we can learn when we are, so to speak, walking alone, in the dark on the side of the street.