I will keep moving forward
It can be hard to restart. I let some things build up that left me feeling stuck and stalled out this past week. Once I skipped a day of doing my affirmations it was easy to skip it again. Here I am 4 days later and it can be hard to get started again.
Wednesday I rode my motorcycle to Salt Lake to have lunch with my oldest friend at one of our favorite Thai restaurants for my birthday. After lunch I was at a stop light and I noticed the bike was idling really low. I was afraid it would stall out so I pulled into a parking lot and my clutch cable popped.... again. I was not excited about the idea of being stuck in SLC for my birthday so I decided to try and get the bike to my brother's house and find a place to fix the cable.
I tried manually engaging the clutch but I was not able to provide enough tension or the correct angle for it to shift so every time I tried to start it and then shift into first the bike would stall out. I was eventually able to get it moving by rolling the bike forward in neutral, and then quickly popping it into first gear and giving it enough gas to not stall. The bike would jerk violently as I shifted it into first but if I kept the throttle constant I could keep it going. However, once I got moving I if I dropped below a certain speed the bike would stall out again.
Without the clutch I had no way of shifting back down into neutral or taking it out of gear to idle the engine. I was forced to drive all the way in first gear while timing each intersection to make it through without having to slow down below about 5mph. Sometimes this meant I needed to slow down and go just fast enough not to stall so that the light had time to change. Several times I arrived too quickly so I had to make a right hand turn so I could keep moving. I stalled out once at an intersection with a bus right behind me, but eventually I made it to my brother's house. I was able to borrow a car and get my cable fixed with a thicker gauged wire and reattach it before the end of the day.
It is nice being able to start and stop things at will. Unfortunately I have places in my life where that is not always an option. When I am actively engaged in the change process to address beliefs or behaviors that have grown from my broken places I do not have the option to start and stop whenever it is convenient for me. Once I stop, it can be tough to get going again. Maintaining momentum and movement in the direction I want to go is crucial if I want to avoid getting stuck or stalling out. Sometimes that means I may need to slow down and keep it in first gear so that I am not moving too quickly and forcing a situation that requires me to put on the brakes. It might mean that I will have to take a few unexpected turns instead of going the way I think is shortest. It will sometimes mean I will need to ask for help along the way. The key for me is to stay moving and working towards the changes I want. Once that momentum is lost it can be hard to restart.
The last 5 years I have run a fall marathon in late September or early October. Without fail after I run that last marathon of the year I have taken time off. Typically I tell myself I will take two weeks off and then I will jump back in. Two weeks typically ends up turning into two months and then I have a hard time getting back into it again because I have lost a level of fitness and it is harder than it was when I stopped. What keeps me motivated is to have a goal, or a race that I am registered for, but there are not a lot of races in the winter in Utah. If I have something I can work towards then I do better and remain motivated to improve in my running.
ReplyDeleteI also find in my drive to change my ways and behavior I am very much stop and go. I get some momentum and then I get distracted with life. I think if I had more well defined goals to work towards then I would be able to keep my momentum. The stop and go method is not an option for me either if I want to achieve lasting change. You have inspired me to write down and work towards some life changing goals.