Kiss it Better (Guest Post - Jonathan)

It is my pleasure to introduce a guest post by Jonathan Taylor. As a licensed clinical social worker he has seen the power of stories and their ability to free us, or keep us trapped in old patterns. They help make meaning from our experiences. His blog is a place where he can share some of his stories and hopefully inspire others to share theirs as well. I am grateful for his willingness to share one of those stories here.

My pain is real, it is valid, it has impacted me,

and it is a valuable avenue for me

to find the connection and meaning I seek

with those who's relationships I value the most

I have a three year old little boy, he is sweet, thoughtful, smart, and full of life. About two weeks ago, he was playing with some friends and stepped on a thumb tack. He was quickly comforted by the neighbor who's house it was and he was back to playing in no time.

He and I have a little tradition each morning- because of scheduling demands at work, a few nights a week, I am in the office past his bedtime. In the morning when he wakes up, we sit on the living room couch and he tells me about what he did the previous day. The morning after he stepped on the tack he came out of his room limping and whimpering and told me that he, "stepped on a thumb yesterday." He often tells my wife and I about little hurts or discomforts- some emotional and some physical- and the expected response is: "Can I kiss it better?"

I didn't know what had happened the night before- so I didn't know what, "I stepped on a thumb yesterday" meant, but I responded as he expected, "I'm sorry buddy, can I kiss it better?" We took care of the hurt with a kiss and his limp was miraculously gone.

As I thought about our exchange later that day, I laughed at what I perceived as some dramatization on his part- clearly his foot didn't hurt enough to legitimately warrant a limp, a kiss made it all better. Then it struck me- he didn't want help with any physical pain- he wanted acknowledgement that his pain was real and that it impacted him at one point in time.

I often tell myself, "I am over it, it doesn't hurt anymore" and I don't tell the story of my pain to anyone. I miss out on an opportunity to connect and to have my experience recognized and validated when I only share pain that I currently feel.

My pain is real, it is valid, it has impacted me, and it is a valuable avenue for me to find the connection and meaning I seek with those who's relationships I value the most.