I am honored to welcome another of my wonderful siblings as a guest blogger. Joy is my youngest sister and most frequent hiking companion. I am grateful for her support and love her dearly. I always know that if I go even a few days without posting I will hear from her to see how I'm doing.
I am silencing the negative critic within
I struggle with feelings of low self worth. I tend to work myself up when it comes to dealing with how I feel others see me. In my mind I see the pieces of my personality that are unfavorable or physical features that are not as attractive, and I focus my energy on the bad and convince myself that others see all my perceived flaws as well.
Any of you that know me well, know my relationship with my boyfriend has been back and forth enough to cause whiplash. Our first break-up was over a burrito. That day I had been helping a friend move, which was disorganized and exhausting. I was far beyond the point of hungry, and I decided to stop for food. I invited my boyfriend to meet us for lunch. I picked up some tacos for my friend, a burrito for my boyfriend, and a vegetarian option for myself. The poor excuse for a burrito I received was disappointing to say the least. Cheese inside a tortilla, does not a burrito make! It was disgusting, but I was so hungry that I decided to use the only form of flavoring available to me (lime slices) and eat it anyway. I proceeded to drown my sorry burrito with lime juice. My boyfriend looks up from his hearty carne asada burrito and gave me this look. I was so frustrated and tired that I interpreted his look as utter disgust with me. I jumped up, freaked out, told him it was over and walked away. In my mind I convinced myself that he didn't like me, found me unattractive and gross etc....all because of the way he looked at me.
Even when I'm struggling with feelings of low self-esteem and worthlessness it is not the way that others actually view me. I am my worst critic and will miss out on relationships and opportunities if I continue to push others away. I am good enough.
June 10, 2013