1.2 miles of crisis

I am practicing daily crisis prevention

Grand Tetons - July, 2013 canffirmations.blogspot.com

I ride a Yamaha Warrior 1700 and it is 600lbs of pure bliss.

Even though I have a tendency to ride it like I stole it, the gas mileage is efficient and still well beyond that of my 4 wheeled vehicle. I use it as my primary mode of transportation and although the mpg is excellent the tank only holds 3.5 gallons. I do not have a gas gauge so when the low fuel indicator light turns on I know it only has roughly 1/2 gallon left. 

I was heading to a meeting and was running a bit behind when I noticed my fuel light turn on. I did not have time to stop so I rode on. After the meeting was done I got back on the bike and I did not feel like stopping immediately for gas so I got on the freeway and headed for home. I was in a hurry so I skipped the first two exits with gas stations because I knew the next one was just a few miles away and had a station right off the freeway.

I didn't make it...

Just after I passed the sign indicating it was 3/4 of a mile to the exit my engine cut out. It wasn't a sputter or a gentle reminder I was about to run out, it was empty. The bike quickly coasted to a stop as I pulled into the emergency lane. I had no more rationalizations or denial left that had been spinning in my head that I wouldn't run out of gas. I considered briefly calling someone but I knew it would take at least 30mins for them to reach me and frankly I was too embarrassed to do it. 

I put the bike in neutral and started to push. I figured it couldn't be more than a half mile to the gas station and I could use the exercise? Those 600 lbs. of bliss were much more difficult to move uphill, manually, with a helmet, and in full riding leathers. I eventually made it with the assistance of a couple of cars who put hazards on and bracketed me as I rolled it through a few intersections after the freeway off-ramp. I finally arrived at the gas station exhausted, covered in sweat, out of breath, bruised and a little bloody from scraping my legs against the foot-pegs. When I went back the next day and measured the distance it was 1.2 miles.

I have a really good idea now of how far I can go once the fuel light goes on but it took a crisis to learn where that limit was. I recognize that some of the crises I experience in my life are preventable. When I ignore my own basic self care, procrastinate little things that start to pile up, or neglect emotional expression, I suddenly find myself in a variety of mini-crises that steal my time, energy, and focus.

Instead of letting things go until I am forced to deal with the situation, I will practice daily the things needed to prevent letting my life slip into crisis mode.

Running on Empty

My energy is focused on making

a positive difference for myself and others

After very little sleep last night, an early start with class at 7:30, and compounded by my infernal cold I was reminded how everything in my life requires energy. Sometime early this afternoon I ran out of it. I was ready to take a nap but circumstances and my youngest daughter conspired against it. 

I was fortunate to get a nice boost of energy through connecting with a couple of good friends over the phone. Having my energy start so low today, feeling myself get depleted, then getting a boost reminded me how important it is for me to focus my energy in the places that matter.

Huge amounts of energy can be spent worrying, holding a grudge, trying to maintain a certain image, or trying to control others. Those things sap my energy into a black-hole where it is lost. I can only imagine what I would be capable of if I stopped wasting it in those ways. I would have plenty of energy to listen, reach out, commit fully to my goals, do self-care, to be authentic and whatever else is needed when facing the challenges encountered as I walk my path. 

What areas in your life are wasting energy?
What do you need to charge your batteries?

Breaktime

I respect my limits

I have felt a little overwhelmed recently. Life has a natural ebb and flow but lately I have felt the panic of a rising tide of busyness and responsibility. Yesterday I was determined to buckle down and stem some of that tide by making plans to work diligently throughout the day.

Around mid-afternoon I started to feel restless and agitated. I was tired of sitting in a chair and I was frustrated with how much more work I had yet to do. I had reached my limits at that moment. I considered slogging through it but I have learned that there are times when pushing a limit can create more problems.

I took a break for some "family fun time," as one of my daughters affectionately calls it, and I felt ready to wade back into the work I had to do. I was riding my motorcycle back to the office and just as I was topping a hill and putting it into 3rd gear my clutch went loose and I could no longer shift gears. I was able to get to the bottom of the hill and then coast into a restaurant parking lot as the bike stalled out. I made a phone call for a ride and then got off the bike to take a look at things. I found that the tip of the cable that holds it into the clutch handle had popped off. Too much tension and wear had caused it to pull through the soldering holding it together. That small piece of metal wire being strained beyond the limits it could withstand brought the entire bike to a stand-still.

Just like a motorcycle there are multiple things I need in order to keep me going: sleep, nutrition, variety, connection, purpose, and emotional expression are just a few that come to mind. If I ignore my own self-care and push my limits to the point of breaking, it can shut-down the entire system. My limits are not there to hold me back, but rather to help me stay balanced and running smoothly.

What areas of your life are being stressed to the point of breaking?
If your limits are being tested how can you bring yourself back into balance?

Care Bear

I am making myself a priority

The past week has been intense for me. I have felt myself straining to stay ahead of the avalanche of grading I need to complete that threatens to bury me. I have felt stress and struggled through some vulnerability.  My time and energy seem to be in short supply. More than once this week I have completely missed a meal.  Yesterday I grabbed something quick to eat for breakfast and by the time I got around to eating again it was past 4. I developed a headache and I started to feel a little grouchy. As my family and friends can attest I am not nearly as amicable when I get hungry "Clair Bear" takes on new meaning as more than just a joking nickname.

Not eating regularly, exercising, or sleeping are always red flags for me that I am not taking good care of myself. The problem for me is that I do not properly prioritize my own self-care. 

If more than one thing comes into contention over where I spend my time or energy, I am likely to choose the thing that I value more highly. When I skip lunch and choose to do something instead of meeting even my basic needs I am devaluing myself and detracting from my feelings of worth. Today I choose to give attention to my self-care and recognize I am worthy of making myself a priority.

What do you need in order to properly care for yourself today?

Out to lunch

I nourish my needs daily

 

It's 2:30 and I still have not taken time to eat lunch.  I wish I could say this is an isolated incident but it happens all to frequently.  Maybe for some people this would not be much cause for concern but I know that the way I respond to that self deprivation is not healthy for me.  I have the capacity to get cranky when I am hungry and it affects more than just my mood.  When I wait to eat I am also more likely to eat types of food and amounts that are not healthy for me.  It is one indication of a trend where I do not pay attention to what I am missing. 

 

A good gardener does not wait until a plant's leaves are wilting before watering them.  If I want to be healthy I need to be consciously aware of my needs and nourish them each day.  I will notice the need for connection before I feel isolated and cut-off.  I will nourish myself spiritually before I feel out of touch with my Higher Power.  I will rest and find ways to manage stress before I break down physically or mentally. 



 

I will start by getting some food.  Have the best day possible and take good care of yourself today! 



**Hack, Wheeze, Cough cough** "No, I'm fine. Thanks anyway."

I am coming to my own assistance

Last month all 3 of my girls got sick.  A wide variety of maladies emerged including bouts of vomiting, diarrhea, fever, chills, sore throats and croupy coughs.  Each of them experienced something slightly different but they all required extra attention (along with plenty of disaster clean-up and laundry).

It was probably inevitable that about a week later I became ground zero for some super-sickness that emerged from the germ soup that my children had cooked up.  After a miserable week I started to feel better except for a nagging cough.  That cough has stuck with me for the last month during which time I have plowed through 2 industrial sized bags of cough drops from Costco and endured coughing fits that created migraine level headaches. I even coughed my back out of place and had to spend most of a day laying in bed.  It wasn't until this past week that I finally called a doctor and took care of it.  I'm very relieved that today I am finally noticing it subside.

When I pause to reflect I can see inconsistencies between how I care for myself in comparison to how I treat those around me. I am capable of helping others and providing assistance without hesitation, but I frequently neglect, deny, or ignore my own needs.  I have even had times when I waited for someone else to do for me what I could easily have done for myself.  I think maybe I do that in the hope that by having someone save me it will prove I'm loved.  When I need help that is beyond my ability I usually don't ask because I don't think I deserve it, I'm an inconvenience to others, or I haven't earned it.

To change this I will start recognizing my value and worthiness.  I will love myself enough to take care of my needs.  I will take time to check-in with myself and become aware of what my needs are and whenever possible I will nurture them.  When my needs require help from others I will reach out knowing I am deserving of the assistance I seek.