Walking the Fence

I am practicing balance in my life

I grew up in Spring City, population 800. By "in" I mean 1.5 miles outside the city limits. Until I was about 10 the old highway road we lived on that stretched through the main street of town was 1 of only 2 paved roads. As a young boy growing up in a small town in the prehistoric age before smart phones, tablets, PS2, and the internet, my choices for entertainment were different than what my children have available. 

This is a recent photo of the house I grew up in from the age of 8 until I was 18. Although the trees are taller and the grass is not as green, it looks very much how I remember it as a child. During the summer months I spent a countless number of hours trying to learn to balance and walk across the top of a wooden fence that encircled our house and several sections of the garden area in the backyard. It was a challenge to maintain my balance on the long wooden poles used to build the fence. Many of them were uneven, knotted, and irregularly shaped. It took numerous tries to learn to even stand still and balance myself without falling. I would put my arms out in both directions to maintain my steadiness and eventually started taking careful steps. I would see how long I could go without falling and eventually I was able to cover the length between two fence posts. I then had to learn to carefully traverse around each post to make it to the next section.

I started to keep a mental record book of how long I could stay atop the fence and how far I could walk across it before losing my balance. Even after becoming proficient it always required my full attention and focus to avoid falling. Any time I allowed for distractions or let my mind wander from the task at hand I would most certainly slip off.  Those falls were usually without incident but it also took some patches of skin off my legs and left a few long scratches on more than one occasion.  

Living an authentic and healthy life that is true to who I am, requires me to pay careful attention to balanced living. I need adequate sleep and nutrition to function, but I need far more to be balanced and healthy. I need connection, safety, adventure, challenges, affection, exercise, solitude, goals, spontaneity, plans, openness, boundaries, surprises, tradition, spirituality, and a great many other things to live in balance. 

When any one area of my life becomes over emphasized, or if I find myself living from a place of deprivation, either of these circumstances can bring me out of balance. With awareness and practice I can learn to be more conscious and responsive to these shifting needs, but it will always require focus and attention. If I do not prioritize the nurturing of each part of what constitutes my true self I will find myself slipping and falling. It can feel exhausting and difficult to walk my path, but it becomes even more difficult if I am constantly losing the balance I need to create positive momentum towards my goals. 

Today I will focus carefully on what areas of my life have become unbalanced and do what is necessary to bring myself back into alignment.

What do you need to restore the balance needed to work toward your goals?

Learning to grunt and point

I am expressing my needs

My 2 year old daughter has recently become increasingly more vocal.  It is cute to watch her get excited and string some words together to try and express herself.  For a long time she has understood perfectly what others say to her but she chose not to talk much.  Instead of speaking she had an intricate series of sounds and hand gestures that she used to communicate.  A grunt here, a point there, mix in a full handed finger wave and whatever she needed was hers. 

At that age it is crucial to express herself, whether it is with words, tears, or pointing, because she is reliant upon others to meet all of her basic needs.  As she grows older she will become more self-sufficient and capable of taking care of herself.  However, no matter how old she gets, the desire for  connection will require that she rely on somebody else to meet that need.  At times I am far less effective at communicating my needs that my daughter was when all she did was grunt and point.

I struggle to express emotion.  A few days ago I was feeling some strong emotions and I had to work on expressing them.  I took the step of trying to express them with someone I wanted to connect with, but when I did not get the response that I wanted I withdrew.  Instead of communicating what I needed I shut down.  To have the intimacy and connection with others that I want, it takes not only expressing how I feel, but expressing how I need others to meet my needs.  In that moment I just needed someone to listen to me as I explored my emotions.  It was not until after I tried again the next day that I took the risk to ask for what I really needed from the conversation.  Being vulnerable and expressing that allowed me to be open with what I felt and needed, and it showed trust that the other person could, and would want to meet my needs.

Today I can clearly express my needs to others and I will trust that they can meet those needs.  This vulnerability and openness will also provide opportunities for the connection and intimacy I desire with others. Until I ask for what I need, in the way that I need it, I can not expect my needs to be met.  

Affirming

 I can, will, and do affirm my best self

When I affirm myself I am taking a desire or claim that I know in my mind to be true and by speaking it aloud I bridge the gap between my head and my heart. From that act of intention I attach an emotion that will power my desire into reality.

What needs affirming in your life today?

Out to lunch

I nourish my needs daily

 

It's 2:30 and I still have not taken time to eat lunch.  I wish I could say this is an isolated incident but it happens all to frequently.  Maybe for some people this would not be much cause for concern but I know that the way I respond to that self deprivation is not healthy for me.  I have the capacity to get cranky when I am hungry and it affects more than just my mood.  When I wait to eat I am also more likely to eat types of food and amounts that are not healthy for me.  It is one indication of a trend where I do not pay attention to what I am missing. 

 

A good gardener does not wait until a plant's leaves are wilting before watering them.  If I want to be healthy I need to be consciously aware of my needs and nourish them each day.  I will notice the need for connection before I feel isolated and cut-off.  I will nourish myself spiritually before I feel out of touch with my Higher Power.  I will rest and find ways to manage stress before I break down physically or mentally. 



 

I will start by getting some food.  Have the best day possible and take good care of yourself today! 



**Hack, Wheeze, Cough cough** "No, I'm fine. Thanks anyway."

I am coming to my own assistance

Last month all 3 of my girls got sick.  A wide variety of maladies emerged including bouts of vomiting, diarrhea, fever, chills, sore throats and croupy coughs.  Each of them experienced something slightly different but they all required extra attention (along with plenty of disaster clean-up and laundry).

It was probably inevitable that about a week later I became ground zero for some super-sickness that emerged from the germ soup that my children had cooked up.  After a miserable week I started to feel better except for a nagging cough.  That cough has stuck with me for the last month during which time I have plowed through 2 industrial sized bags of cough drops from Costco and endured coughing fits that created migraine level headaches. I even coughed my back out of place and had to spend most of a day laying in bed.  It wasn't until this past week that I finally called a doctor and took care of it.  I'm very relieved that today I am finally noticing it subside.

When I pause to reflect I can see inconsistencies between how I care for myself in comparison to how I treat those around me. I am capable of helping others and providing assistance without hesitation, but I frequently neglect, deny, or ignore my own needs.  I have even had times when I waited for someone else to do for me what I could easily have done for myself.  I think maybe I do that in the hope that by having someone save me it will prove I'm loved.  When I need help that is beyond my ability I usually don't ask because I don't think I deserve it, I'm an inconvenience to others, or I haven't earned it.

To change this I will start recognizing my value and worthiness.  I will love myself enough to take care of my needs.  I will take time to check-in with myself and become aware of what my needs are and whenever possible I will nurture them.  When my needs require help from others I will reach out knowing I am deserving of the assistance I seek.