Everyone struggles

When faced with challenges I will not give up

I have found it difficult to post recently. My change and growth process has brought me to a place where I feel a lot of uncertainty and that has had an impact on my ability to write. Although I am actively trying to figure some things out it has felt a bit too vulnerable for me to post with the regularity and openness I have committed to doing here. I am appreciative of those of you who have noticed my absence and have still stuck around. I also have deep gratitude for others who have reached out to offer support or concern. Because of my tendency to withdraw in times of struggle one of the wonderful benefits of writing my affirmations here is that I can no longer slink away quietly without someone noticing. 

Until I find more solid footing in my writing I will be posting a few quotes, thoughts, or things that I have grabbed onto along the way that have helped me. I will also be posting a few guest affirmations and I welcome anyone who would like to add there voice here. If you are interested in sharing please email me at canfieldaffirmations@gmail.com

Today what has helped me was a reminder that everyone struggles. Even though I have admiration and respect for people who struggle with their challenges, when I experience struggles I view them as weakness or failure. It was helpful for me today to see that it is not the struggles that define me but how I choose to respond to them. I may not know how to handle them, but simply not giving up is sometimes the most courageous thing I can do.  

Thanks for your patience and continuing to walk with me along my journey, especially when it gets bumpy. Traveling together is so much nicer!

Mother's Day

I am not alone in my struggles

I still feel like garbage, but today is the first day in a week that at least one of the symptoms of my sickness improved. When I just could not muster the energy or focus to write an affirmation the last few days I noticed how quickly I found myself moving into shame. I have committed to writing daily and when I fall short of that I tend to be hard on myself. Rather than treating myself with kindness and understanding of the circumstances I face I piled on blame for coming up short. My focus is on what I did not accomplish rather than my best efforts being enough. 

Today it also reminded me of a conversation I had not long ago with a mother who mentioned how some mothers hate this holiday. For some, Mother's Day might not be a day to celebrate the incredible sacrifice and love required of motherhood, but instead serves as a reminder of the ways they judge themselves as having come up short. The responsibility of raising another human being is not a small or unimportant task. Children are good at pushing the utmost limits of patience, compassion, sanity, sleep, and emotion. I would argue that to be perfect as a mother is clearly impossible but at the same time does not deter them from trying. Despite doing the best they possibly can, and going beyond what even seems humanly possible, it may still feel like failure when driven by those lofty expectations. 

I think that many of us feel this way in various aspects of our lives, whether it be as a parent, at work, in our relationships or communities. I also suspect that many of us feel alone in that shame. The messages around us seem to say that everyone else has got it together, that we are the only ones to struggle. 

Today I choose to believe that despite my struggles I am enough. I will also choose to be kind with myself as I make mistakes and learn from those experiences. As I do this I will be authentic with others so that I will not miss opportunities for connection and support as we all struggle along our paths together. 

Today I honor and recognize mothers, and all who are willing to give of themselves in striving greatly to love and care for others. 

Narrate me down from here

In times of difficulty I receive guidance and support

When I was five our yard had 2 giant pine-trees.  I suppose everything looks giant at five but as I recall they were at least as tall as the roof of our 2 story house.  They had thick low hanging branches and I loved to climb them. One day I decided to see if I could reach the top.  I climbed with confidence and when I had nearly reached the top I began to notice the branches getting much smaller.  I was balancing precariously on a thin branch when I looked down and panicked.  As Tigger can attest. it is much more difficult to climb down a tree than to climb up it.

Paralyzed with fear I was unable to see how I could possibly get back down. I was stuck and alone. I called out for help. My brother heard my calls and was able to help me safely down.  He called out and guided me to each branch telling me where to safely put my feet and encouraging me along the way.

Sometimes I climb myself into situations that seem much more difficult to get out of than it was to get into.  When I feel alone and stuck that is when I may need to call out for help.  If I look to my Higher Power and those around me they can help guide me safely back to solid ground. 

We are all connected in our journeys and nobody makes it alone. Today I honor those who have answered the call for help.  I will also commit to listen carefully for ways to help others who may be in need of assistance. I am never alone in my struggles.

image source:  http://www.comedysite.net/plugins/p17_image_gallery/images/843.jpg

Thanks Chris

I see how my struggles can benefit others

Today I had the privilege to listen to Chris Herren as a guest speaker at Weber State University.  I had read a little about his story from an ESPN article not long ago and thought it would be a great opportunity for my speech class to listen to him.  It was even better than I had hoped for and I have been thinking about it all day. 

Chemical addiction robbed Chris of his professional basketball career and nearly cost him his family and his life.  You can hear more about his story through several articles written about him, his book Basketball Junkie: A Memoir, or the ESPN Emmy nominated film Unguarded.

After detailing the fourteen year nightmare of his addiction I was struck by some of Chris's statements regarding his recovery and why he now speaks so openly about those difficult experiences. He told a story about one of his first speaking engagements, which was in front of a crowded gymnasium of High School students.  He was incredibly nervous but prayed that he could have an impact and make a difference for just one person.  At the end of his speech he opened it up for questions and there was one girl sitting at the top of the bleachers all alone who had raised her hand.  She was quickly hushed by the crowd and she told Chris she no longer had a question.  Sometime later he received a message from that girl.  Every day she was ridiculed and bullied at school.  She had difficulties at home as well and each night she would shut herself in her room, pull out a razor blade and cut on her arms.  They were so scarred that she now had to resort to cutting on her legs instead.  She thanked him and said that because of his willingness and courage to tell his story she had gained the courage to tell hers.  She explained to him that after hearing his story she had walked into the cafeteria at lunch time and sat next to some of the other girls that teased her. When they asked her what she was doing she responded by lifting up her sleeves and showing them the scars on her arms.  She told them she cuts because of the cruel things they do to her everyday and that from that day on the teasing stopped.  She thanked him and told him it had been several months since she had last self mutilated.  He remembers that one girl every time he speaks.  

What is moving about the way he speaks is not just the stories, but how candid he is about those experiences. By being real and open his story validates struggle.  I struggle.  I think we all struggle.  I am not sure of anyone that is immune from struggle. Why is it that it seems so few of us are willing to talk about them?  I know for me some of those reasons are fearing that others will judge me, misunderstand me, or that they will reject me and pull away.  That fear and shame keeps me guarded and hidden.  But if I am not real about my weaknesses and struggles how can I possibly expect to have an impact on others?  How can I expect the kind of connection that comes from people who are willing to be fully transparent with each other? 

I am not inspired and moved by stories of ease and privilege.  It is the authentically courageous stories of struggle, pain, and doubt that draw me in.  Those stories give me hope, they validate my own experiences and encourage me to continue on the difficult path of trying to reach my full potential. 

Thank you Chris, and to each of you that are brave enough to be vulnerable, real, and open with me and others about your weaknesses and challenges.  I take hope and courage from your examples.  The courage to be who I am, and that through being open I can connect with and help others.
    

We don't need no water...

I embrace the fire of growth

The giant Sequoia tree is the largest living thing on earth and one of the most awe inspiring sights I have ever witnessed in nature. I can still remember the trip with my grandparents through Northern California when I first saw one as a boy.  They can grow over 300 feet tall and live for thousands of years. To me one of the most impressive and fascinating aspects about them is their relationship with fire. For most trees wildfires are the most devastating and destructive force possible, but for Sequoias it is central to their life cycle.

image source: http://photography.nationalgeographic.com/staticfiles/NGS/Shared/StaticFiles/Photography/Images/POD/s/sequoia-forest-fire-505503-ga.jpg

During a forest fire the heat triggers Sequoia pine cones to release their seeds.  Meanwhile the fire clears away dead growth and debris on the forest floor making room for more sunlight to shine through.  When the fire is gone it also leaves behind a bed of fertile ash that nourish the seeds as they grow.

As I travel my path and find myself in the process of growth and change I often feel as if I am in the middle of a firestorm that threatens to consume me.  I fear that it may burn wildly and leave nothing but barren scorched earth in its' wake.  The fire of conflict, adversity, pain, and struggle is also capable of refining me.  That fire clears out the old parts of me and prepares me for renewal.  I will recognize it as a part of the cycle of life and necessary for change and growth.
 

image source: http://ichef.bbci.co.uk/naturelibrary/images/ic/credit/640x395/s/se/sequoiadendron/sequoiadendron_1.jpg