Stand tall

I rise to the occasion and the full stature of who I am becoming

I am 37 years old, 6'3" and weigh in around 220 pounds. There are times when I feel more like I am 10 years old or 6 inches tall than what I see reflected in the mirror. When I am in certain situations or with particular people I shrink, I revert back to places I left long ago but that return instantly. A place where I felt frightened, alone, incapable, abandoned and small. I feel like a child and I am likely to act like one as well. I feel myself shrinking into defensiveness, losing my voice and confidence, reliving old wounds and taking on roles and behaviors that I thought I had grown out of.  

I no longer fit in those places. As I continue on my path I recognize that even when I travel a road that may seem familiar to experiences from the past, I am no longer who I was then. I have grown emotionally, spiritually, and mentally just as I have physically. When confronted with those old familiar places I will not shrink but rise to the measure and stature I have earned through the hard work of lessons learned well. 

For the silent and tone-deaf

I have a voice and I am sharing it

What makes a chorus so powerful and moving is the way each voice and sound blends together.  No one part is favored but it is a flow of voices moving together in an intricate dance that creates a whole far greater than any of its' parts. If a voice is silenced, sings too loudly, or tries to sing a part other than it's own it creates a cacophony of noise instead of music. 

I have an important role and my voice is irreplaceable.  I have unique abilities and talents that make me a crucial part of my relationships, workplace, community, family, church, and everywhere that I am interconnected with others.  I am not meant to mimic someone else, be silenced, or to scream out just to be noticed.  I will recognize the importance of my voice, find my part, and share it harmoniously.

 Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent.  ~Victor Hugo

Bulletproof

   

I am unshakably me

 Living an authentic life where I attempt to be transparent takes a daily commitment.  It also comes with certain risks. Taking off the mask and being true to who I am can feel scary and vulnerable. When I make that choice it leaves me open to the judgment and criticism of others. Even though I know I can only truly connect by being vulnerable it takes courage to do it.

It is easy for some people to hide behind walls of feigned acceptability, correctness, and self importance while they lob grenades of shame and fire off bullets of judgment at others. I may fear those attacks and want to retreat back behind the old walls of self-protection. I may even want to hide there and return the volley. But that would only  serve to trap me and keep me stuck in a battle where there can be no winner. As I walk boldly into that raging battle of words I realize that I am bulletproof. As I confidently and fearlessly continue walking my path of personal truth I echo the words of Eleanor Roosevelt, "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

Enough?

I am enough, just as I am

I have an unhealthy tendency to constantly compare myself to others.  Whenever I do it is easy to find plenty of ways that I don't measure up.  I begin to feel deficient, that I am not enough.  I don't need to be perfect.  Reaching my potential begins with realizing that I am acceptable just as I am.

I am enough. 

Even when I feel off, I am enough. 

Despite not always being at my best, I am enough. 

In places of grief and darkness, lamenting a loss, I am enough. 

When things didn't go as planned and I am filled with disappointment, I am enough. 

When my weaknesses are in the spotlight for me and all the world to see, I am enough. 

When loneliness closes around me like a cage, I am enough. 

In my brokenness and imperfection, I am still enough. 

And when I accept that I am indeed enough I open myself to the light and love that chases darkness away, that sparks hope and connects me to the human experience of us all. 

Striving, battling, falling, hurting, crying, trying, trudging the long and difficult path of life,

 through it all I am enough.