Savasana

I find serenity in times of turmoil

It has become unofficial yoga week. Today I went into my session with the goal of focusing on my breathing throughout the practice. It is easy for me to lose focus when sweat is dripping from places I didn't even know had the capacity to perspire (knees?), the room feels like the temperature is just above hell and just below the sun, and as my body is stretching and pulling in ways that seem entirely unnatural my mind is screaming that this is all insane.  Those are the most important moments for me to relax and breathe.

Peace does not come from the absence of war. The ability to find stillness and calm comes from practicing it when everything around me is in disarray. I had several moments today when I lost my focus on breathing and surprisingly it was most difficult for me not when I was physically strained, but when I was trying to fully relax during savasana - corpse pose. In savasana what you do physically is lie on your back with heels together, feet fall apart, arms flat next to the body with palms open - you essentially lay down. Mentally it can be one of the most difficult poses. It can be just as difficult to find peace among the chaos of my own mind when I am perfectly still as it is to find it when I have things swirling all around me externally. 

Practicing staying in the moment, breathing, and letting go of expectations, fear, control, and shame helps me to be fully present. That is where I can find peace. The hurricanes of life will come and go. I can feel just as unsettled when things around me are calm, perhaps at those times I am frantic and just bracing myself for the next catastrophe to hit. Serenity does not require a certain set of circumstances to be achieved. When the chaos does come I can find the eye of the storm internally and be at peace. 

Do who you are

I am living authentically

Being my authentic self is when I bring who I am and what I do into alignment.  The more I nourish my authentic self the more I see an increase in joy and serenity.

No reward is worth the price of selling-out my authentic self. There are many opportunities everyday to compromise myself. I think it rarely comes as a dramatic moment that forces me to choose if I will be true to who I am. I believe it most often occurs as a multitude of tiny transactions where I give up a little piece at a time.  I nickle and dime my authentic self until it feels like I am lost, and bankrupt. A tiny lie, looking the other way, giving in, making concessions, striking a deal, and pretending erodes away my authenticity a small piece at a time.  No amount of fitting in, pain avoidance, uncertainty reduction  or false acceptance is worth the cost of losing my authentic self. 

I am faithfully fighting for my true self daily. If I begin to feel I have lost myself I don't have to go searching for it, just make a choice to reclaim it.

Owie!

I find stillness in times of pain

This past spring I spent a weekend with some good friends in a cabin near Lava Hot Springs, Idaho. My girls had a great time playing outside on the rope swing and running around with the other kids.  The cabin was set on a hill and a long set of steps built into the hill lead up to the cabin door.  The stairs were built from old railway ties and it was a tough climb for the short legs of my 4 year-old.  On one of her many trips running up the steps she slipped.  As she caught herself several slivers from the wood lodged in her hands.

She came running to me in tears and asking for help.  I could see that the slivers had not completely slid under her skin so I borrowed some tweazers and told her that we would have to pull them out.  She went from distraught to full fledged panic in an instant.  No amount of explaining the procedure or the need to take them out soothed her.  The first attempt to pull one free resulted in a scream that could have shattered glass. She started to flail about and her tiny little body seemed to suddenly possess the strength of Hercules.  She resisted all my efforts to calm her and it was impossible to get her to hold still. It eventually took 3 of us, (me holding her, someone distracting her, and another working the tweezers) and 30 minutes to remove three small slivers.

My daughter provided me with an example of what I sometimes do when I get emotionally wounded.  If I get hurt or I need help, instead of practicing serenity I get frantic.  I think it is a way for me to avoid or distract myself from the pain.  I know the only way to get better is to be still and address the pain but instead I will often freak out and get lost in the drama of the situation.  Even when I scream out for help to my Higher Power or those around me, when that help comes I'm too busy fighting against it to even recognize the assistance being offered. 

When I feel pain I will learn to be still and experience it.  I will be open to the lessons it is trying to teach me and I will accept help when it comes.  I will practice serenity and stillness even in times of pain and chaos.